So, last year it was Kelantan first. It was damn boring, coz my in laws dont really celebrate raya like we all do. So we spent only 2 raya days in Kelantan, on the third day we went back to Muar.
Part of the things I saw in the old house that my Dad lives with her so-called "new" wife is quite depressing. The condition of the house is deteriorating, and it looked very sad.
Deep in my heart, I felt like I wanted to help him, despite of my feelings of hate towards him for my entire life. After all, like Mother used to say, He is still my Dad.
So I had a talk with Dad. I told him that I wanted to invest some money, I wanted to repair the house, and I am going to do it next year, I said, which means this year 2010, right before raya.
I estimated the cost wont be that much, since me and hubby have done some renovation for our new house, so we figured that it wont be costly.
After my raya holidays ended, we went back home Kuantan.
2 days later, my sister called me from Kampung (she is staying near my Dad's house in Kampung) and said that Dad have already engaged a contractor he found somewhere (no one knows, coz he never tells anybody about anything), and the "tukang" have already started working.
I was so shocked!!! I was speechless.
My sister asked me whether Dad have talked and discuss with me about it, I said No, because he did not.
Sister also mentioned that our new stepmother asked Dad to talk and consult with me first before renovating, but Dad refused.
So I told my sister, never mind, lets see what he does.
After about a week or 2, my sister has been consistently updating me with the renovation etc, Dad called me up one night, and guess what!! He asked me for money. He said he has done the renovation and now that I owe him the money. The conversation was never friendly between me and him, he never asked me about my pregnancy or my son or my husband's well being, he is always straight to the point and it's like a stabbing right on my heart every time we talk. I told him I will think about it.
So me and hubby decided we want to go back to Kampung first to see what he had done to the house.
So we did in end of December last year, during long school holidays.
We didnt comment much about the house, we didnt even talk about any if it. We observed. After 2 days staying with him, I decided to go back.
So we packed our things, and we left for KL, we stayed over at our condo in Damansara Perdana for 2 nights. Noah had a blast swimming around and playing in the Podium and we were happier.
It was a big relief staying away from Dad. Funny huh! but that's how I feel around him, suffocated, sick to my stomach and talking to him seems like a battle everytime. So I rather not face him.
Hubby asked me what it cost to Dad, with the renovation and all. I told him the amount that Dad asked from me. After some discussion that makes a lot of senses (eg. Dad didnt inform me about the renovation), we decided to leave the matter alone. It's not my fault that I will not pay him. To me it was more like a "set-up". He set me up.
Few days ago, I felt restless again, one thing about the house renovation issue keeps popping into mind is - " I tried my best to love him, to respect him... but he himself always sabotaged them.."
Am I guilty as a child?
Am I gulity to hate him this much? Then I pity him too, looking at him 85 years old and never talks about death at all? Pity at him who is "so afraid" of dying? Why cant I have a normal Dad, Dad who loves us and happy for us?? Why is our Dad so DIFFERENT?
My sister told me last week that she remembered Dad once mentioned during his wedding to his latest wife that he promised to bring her to UMRAH in holy land, at least once. Sister said, that's why he is always been very "money-minded". I quickly told her that it's Dad's promise to her, not us. So whatever that is going to be, he has to answer for it. Sister said that's probably one of the reason why he kept pastering me for money. To me it was EGO and cruelty.
Our beloved arwah Sham (my eldest brother) who was lost at sea in duty, he was married and his wife was pregnant with Shammim (his only son) at 8 months when the sad incident happen.
After 3 years, Sham's wife, habsah married another guy, and they live quite happily. Dad always asked Rahim (another brother of mine who is his donkey / mule) to go to Habsah's house, wanting Shammim to get to know him as the grandfather. I dont know what happened during all the visits, because I was never invited.
Shammim have already turned 20 this year. Last year, he managed to find out that his dad right now is not his own, therefore he set up a quest of finding his own dad, and he succeeded.
He came to Dad's house one time with his friend, and it was like a family re-union. A grand-son finally met his Grand-father.
After that meeting, Dad said he tried to contact Shammim again on his mobile, but it was not in service anymore.
He made a big fuss about it, to my sister and Rahim, to everybody!
I just kept quite, I didnt comment anything.
Guess Dad's secrets are not safe with me.
My sister was puzzled, and I told her all about what happened. It's all because of DAD & MONEY relationship.
When Sham was Missing in action or died during duty, his wife and his children get some compensation money. For Habsah, as the wife, she got some amount, not that much but it comes in monthly.
For Shammim, the son, he gets a fund until he is 18 years old. No one else can touch the money except for his mother and him.
Little that Shammim know that his Grand-Father demanded the money from his mother. So she left with nothing, to raise the child and to feed him on her own.
Lucky enough, she has her own job, teaching in Secondary School.
Habsah once told me, I was 16 at the time, Dad told her : "aku yang besarkan Sham, aku yang bagi dia makan dari kecik sampai besar, jadi aku ada hak atas duit dia.."
Translated : "I am the one who raised Sham, I fed him from small until now, so I have the right to have his money". She was crying when she told me she never thought that our family will be this bad. That was the last time I saw her.
Knowing Habsah is very soft and not a rebel like me, I guess she surrendered at Dad's unreasonable request. She got married to another guy after that and stayed in KL and she never came and visit us at all for many-many years, even until today.
I never got in touch with her. I really want to, if given a chance. I would want to tell her that I am on her side and I understand her. It's embarassing but I guess that's how I feel. Feelings cannot lie.
Money has always been Dad's center of attention. Since I was young, the issue will always be that. And that is also the reasons why people around Dad dont like him very much.
Guess Allah knows better.
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