Getting Around- Not very easy now..

I am now entering 26 weeks. My tummy is heavier and bigger. Last scan I had, the baby is around 890gram estimated weight, that is almost 1kg. It seems like I am carrying a melon in my tummy, and getting around is not that easy anymore. 

Thank god that I have done baby shopping a few weeks ago, now left some small items that can be purchased at the very last minute.

Going in and out of toilet is like I almost live in the toilet, more than 5 times a day. And plus the fact that I have been drinking huge amount of water - due to the heat, and I have just endured flue last week which makes me wants to drink more fluid to avoid dry throat , makes my urination frequency trippled!

All is well for now, Alhamdulillah...

Getting sleep at night is tricky one, but I am already used to sleep on my left or right side, supported my many soft pillows. My husband who sleeps beside me gets only 2 pillows, but I got 5 altogether, 2 for my head and shoulder, 1 for under my belly, one in between my legs and the other to support my knee and ankles.

Sometimes Noah wants to sleep in my bed, I let him for a few hours, then I transfered him back to his room.
That makes more room for me to roll over and change positions.

Hubby makes jokes that I am like a sleeping elephant, I need more space to rest and that blocks everybody else's. He he he he... what can I do. I told him I need a few more months for this previlage and after that, I wont be like elephant anymore.

Waiting for the baby is really thrilling, but the "not so thrilling" part is the pain of childbirth which I have to endure. My threshold of pain is not very high. I get angry when I am in pain. 

Therefore I am enrolling for the Parent Craft Classes this month. I was suppose to go last month but it was cancelled. I am going to drag hubby, because I want him to be my coach during delivery. Only if he is up for it, no obligations. 

Mana perginya Kasih Sayang? (where is the LOVE?)

Aku ni macam tak serik-serik. 

Walaupun aku dah tahu orang tu tak sayang pada aku, aku masih lagi tak boleh percaya apa yang dah jadi. 

Aku masih lagi mencuba. 

Masih lagi menaruh sedikit harapan that one day my father will change. 

Masih lagi berharap that my father will love me. 

Walaupun dia tak sayang aku, sekurang-kurang nya "berlakon" pun tak pe.

Kenapa la nasib aku ni. Macam anak terbuang, terpinggir... 

Dah berpuluh tahun lama aku hidup, masih lagi berharap...

Inilah bapa aku dengan isteri dia yang baru. Gambar ini di ambil di dalam Masjid Crystal di Kuala Terengganu. Masa tu dia datang melawat aku di rumah aku di Kerteh, jadi kami bawa dia berjalan-jalan.

Nak kata tak de isteri, sekarang dah ada isteri baru. 

Baru dalam 5 tahun bernikah.

Masa dia nikah, aku tak de. Dia pun tak pernah tanya pendapat aku.

Dia main nikah je. Maklumlah...lelaki... tak payah wali pun tak pe...

Tak payah anak-anak tahu pun tak pe.

Aku tak kisah dia nikah, janji dia happy.

Isteri dia yang sebelum ni perangai memang buruk, tengok muka pun menyampah.

Dia lebih suka pada abang aku dari kami berdua (aku dengan adik), mungkin sebab kami berdua perempuan.

Aku cium pipi bapak aku, dia merajuk, lari dari rumah.

Bukan bapak aku naik stim pun kalau aku cium dia. Rasa-rasanya ada wire yang short kot... itu anggapan aku dan adik pasal isteri lama dia. Sebab anak dia ada jugak yang berpenyakit gila. Keturunan agaknya.

Isteri dia kali ni memang baik orang nya.

Cakap lemah lembut, baik hati dan simple orangnya.

Senang mesra dengan kami adik beradik.

Kalau dulu, aku cukup menyampah nak balik kampung.

Sekarang dah lain.. aku suka balik sebab "mak baru" baik...pandai masak..suka melayan kerenah anak aku..

Jadi enjoy la balik kampung. 

Adik aku yang duduk sebelah rumah pun dapat rasa kebaikan "mak baru" ni sebab memang dia caring orangnya.

Tapi bapak aku masih tak berubah perangainya.

Dari dulu, sampai ke tua ni, sama je.

Umur dah nak masuk 85 tahun, kalau nak kata dah senja, 

Tak jugak, aku rasa kira bapak aku ni dah malam kot..

Ada ke dia sound aku " Hah..ko ni nanti bersalin, jangan plak nak menyusahkan "mak" ko tu... apa-apa buat sendiri...."

Pada ketika tu, aku rasa aku ni memang tak de bapak.

Aku sorang-sorang. Aku sebatang kara.

Sedih nye yang teramat. Allah je yang tahu macam mana pedih hati ni mendengar perkataan tu keluar

Keluar dari mulut bapa, darah daging sendiri.. Sampai betul hati dia..

Aku merajuk hati.

Aku rasa rendah diri sangat.

Pada saat-saat sedih macam ni lah aku teringat kan Ibu aku.

Kalau lah arwah nye ada, sure dia akan cakap.. "alah... jangan ambik peduli apa abah ko cakap..biar la..dia dah tua..."

Lepas tu dia akan tenangkan aku.

Arwah tahu sangat perangai aku.

Merajuk-rajuk kerak nasi...

Kalau dipujuk, aku senang cool.

Yang aku sedih kan tu, bukannya aku nak menyusahkan orang.

Tapi kalau ye pun, jangan la direct sangat cakap macam tu.

Aku ni bukannya binatang, tak de perasaan.

Aku ni bukan anak dia ke?

Aku ni anak angkat ke?

Bapak mentua aku plak jauh lebih berbudi bahasa dari bapak aku sendiri.

Dia offer aku masa aku balik Kelantan raya cina hari tu.. "nanti nak bersalin, balik la sini... Ma boleh tengok-tengok kan..."

Ye la, lawa-lawa ayam pun tak pe.... aku plak tahu la nak jaga diri sendiri... takkan nak menyusahkan orang lain.

Tapi bapak aku sendiri tak berlembut dengan aku, itu yang buat aku sayu.

Sedih... Sungguh sedih....

Mana lah nak bawa hati yang luka ni...

I will take time to heal...

Aku ni bukannya sensitive sangat orangnya..

Tapi sekali terkena, aku terngadah bukan main lama....

Bertahun pun ada... 

Nampak gayanya, tahun ni raya kat Kelantan je la.

Johor aku tak nak balik...

Selagi belum terubat hati ini, selagi tu aku akan jauhkan diri.

Anyway, nobody misses me pun... :(((((((((

Office Politics

Based on my own experience and of my friends's, office politics is everywhere. Any company we join in, there will be office politics. The question is, whether we should get involved, stay on the fence or join one of the group?

My own experience tells me that if we stay on the fence, we are neither here or there, we are never safe either. When VSS or retrenchment is on the way, these "on the fence" group is normally will be in the list. The tribunal of losing the job will be obvious for these groups because the management sees that this group will not be supported by other people or groups of people, they are merely on their own, therefore becomes an easy target.

But what if we wish to join a group/gang, which side you think we should get into? How safe will you be from retrenchment etc of you join any of these groups?

There are some guidelines on how to turn this scenario around, to your own advantage without feeling like a major suck up:

1. Determine the core values of the group. Normally this will take time. The longer time you take, the more you get to know what are their values, what they fight for. If it suits what you seek in employment & growth, by all means, you can join them.


2. Determine what makes them tick. This also will take a longer time. What motivates this group to form allies are very important, once you know this, you can blend in in no time. 


3. "Birds of the same feather always flock together"- groups are formed merely on the basis of mutual likeness, mutual understanding. They are of the same type of people, and they have a lot in common. Find their commonness and see where you fit in.


4. Who is the Boss? Every group has a head, or the big boss. See who is the boss and whether you like the boss too to join in.


5. Sucking up - is there any major sucking up to do when you are in the group? If the sucking up is not worth the effort, then do not join. Normally if the group is strong and established, have a good boss, there's not much sucking up to do. SO it's up to you.


6. How influential is the group? If the group consists of major shareholders and directors, maybe it's a very safe group to be with. But beware too, that major shareholders might only protect their own interest, not their employees per say. So be wise before choosing a side.


7. How does the group affect your monetary and bonuses scheme? It's wise to join a group that can elevate your monetary income and bonuses. After all, money is a motivator for all, and everybody works for money. So, why not making this choice a wise one for your pocket too.

Once you have chosen your group, never do what other idiots do, talk bad things about the other group members or try to stir up some feathers. Remember, being in a group does not mean you have to be mean to the one you did not chose to be with. Stay neutral and comment the least. One day you might find out that the group that you joined isnt relevant or in some kind of trouble, you need a ticket to switch to the other side, that is when people remember what you have done to them. Play nice and be cool about everything. After all, we are only humans. Anything can happen. If you burn bridges or create a fuss or fights, people will remember you for the worse and not many people are willing to sacrifice their rice bowl to protect you if you are in trouble later. 

Metropolitan Square- Rented

My condo in block F have been rented out since 7th Febuary 2010. Tenant wants it fully furnished, and we did supply with full furniture. The rental is not that good for now, but as for our installment, it covers all, so we are more than happy.

The tenants are Iranian people, came to malaysia to work and other 2 are still studying. One thing that bothers me is that they have pet in the apartment, which the management never allows. I guess I have to tell them beforehand before they get penalty from the management for not obeying the rules.

End of this month, we promised the tenant that we are going to install a water heater for the second bathroom, so we will grab that opportunity to tell them about the house rules. I will let my hubby do the talking, as I am not very good at telling people off..he he he..

Single, Over 30s? Not married?

Assalamualakum... aku kena bagi salam dulu sebab aku tahu topic yang aku nak discuss ni akan menyentuh ramai di kalangan kawan2 rapat aku. Sori Babes.... Whatever it is, I LOVE U GUYS always!!.


Single, over 30s, masih lagi mencari-cari teman hidup? 

• "Boring kan, sebab member-member seangkatan semua dah kawin.. ish sedih je rasa. Tak per la..aku keluar dengan kawan-kawan. Malas nak pikir..one day ada lah kot jodoh aku..."
• "Eh tapi bila ek? Jangan-jangan nanti aku mati kat apartment aku sorang-sorang, sedar-sedar bau mayat aku je kat sini, mati sorang-sorang... sedih betul la"
• "Kenapa lelaki tak suka aku ah? Apa tak kene dengan aku? Aku ni buruk sangat ke? Apasal kawan-kawan aku semua yang dah kawin, buruk dari aku pun dah kawin... cane ni? Hai...sedih betul la..."
• "Ish.. bila aku ni nak kawin. Tak de sesapa ke nak aku. Aku tak kisah dah... belasah je! Aku tak leh memilih sekarang... apa2 pun aku kena accept.. Tapi aku rasa aku dah lowerkan standard lelaki yang aku nak... tapi tak dapat jugak...apa yang tak kene ah? "
• "still single lagi, boyfren pun tak de...Pegi mandi bunga la..kot2 buang sial ke..."
• " alah...mak bapak aku ni bising plak..aku balik je kampung, tanya aku soalan2 macam ni. Mana aku tahu!! Sapa tak nak kawin... aku nak, tapi tak de orang nak kat aku...cane??? Jangan lah nak salahkan aku plak.."
• Agaknya aku pakai kereta besar, aku dah ada rumah sendiri, lelaki takut dengan aku kot... 
• "Ni yang aku malas nak join dinner they all ni, masing2 dah kawin, cerita pasal anak, cerita pasal husband...aku terasa left out betul la.... reminds me of what I am missing.. next time aku tak nak join la they all.."

Ini adalah antara apa yang selalu saya sendiri pikir masa saya belum kawin dulu. I am sure ramai yang mengalami/pikir bende yang sama, especially bila umur kita dah lanjut, tapi masih tak berkawin. Pressure ada di mana-mana. Kat rumah, kat luar, tempat kerja, semuanya ada saja pressure. Ada je orang tanya, sampai naik boring dan menyampah kita dibuatnya.

Kita tak pernah terpikir bende ni akan berlaku, tapi as age catching with us, kita rasa makin hari kita makin ketinggalan. Aku terkenang zaman college, alangkah baiknya kalau kita masih muda, tak payah pikir bende ni.

Kenapa tetiba kita jadi pressure? Padahal aku kita dulu banyak boyfriend? Mana pergi jantan-jantan tu sekarang? Jawapannya : Semua dah kawin, dah ada anak.. Sedih... :((

The fact of the matter is, kita rasa presure tetiba disebabkan oleh beberapa faktor :


1. Alam Sekitar - Orang di sekeliling kita, masyarakat kita semua associatekan "sudah berkahwin" maknya kita dah establish. Bila dah kahwin, kita dah stable. Some part of it is TRUE, perhaps. Tapi kalau kita pikir betul2, tak semua yang dah kawin to stable. Tapi tak ramai yang mengaku kenyataan tu.


2. Adat-resam - Adat resam kita orang melayu memang tebal di  Malaysia ni. Kalau tak kawin, macam2 gelaran kita dengar. Gelaran2 macam "andartu" dan sebagainya menyebabkan orang yang tak kawin lagi ni terasa di perkecil-kecil dan malu. Macam ada "special label" plak. Jadi kita jadi segan, kalau boleh tak nak dilabelkan macam tu.


3. Kawan-kawan- Faktor kawan-kawan pun memainkan peranan. Jarang jumpa kawan yang support the fact that bila kita tak kawin lagi, kita tak sepatutnya dipinggirkan. Kawan-kawan kita beranggapan, kalau kita tak kawin lagi, tak de anak lagi, kita dah tak boleh join group dia. Sebab they all cakap pasal anak, cakap pasal husband. Dengan kita dia nak cakap apa? 
Jadi selalu lah orang yang kawin lambat ni rasa terpinggir.


4. Family - Family mana yang suka anak dara they all tak kawin? Jarang sangat-sangat. Kebanyakan ibu-bapa akan hint2 kat kita - "aii..bila la nak dapat cucu ni... mak carikan nak? Abah carikan nak? " Jarang jumpa family member yang support dan bersimpati dengan kita yang tak kawin lagi. Semua saja je pressure.


5. Diri Sendiri - Kadang2 pressure tu datang dari diri kita sendiri. Tetiba kita rasa "left out". Tetiba kita rasa macam sunyi, tak de kawan.. selalu kita jauhkan diri daripada orang-orang yang dah berkahwin atau family member, sebab kita rasa mereka ni menambah lagi pressure yang ada dalam diri kita. Kita jadi lonely, tak happy.
Ada antara kita yang sanggup jadi isteri kedua, bermadu sebab nakkan pengalaman dan title sebagai Isteri Orang. 


Semua perkara dia atas banyak berlaku depan mata kita, pada kakak-kakak, adik2, atau saudara mara. Kalau tak percaya, tanya lah mereka.


Saya ada beberapa cadangan untuk diguna pakai oleh mereka-mereka yang sudah 30an, masih belum berkahwin, untuk difikirkan, dan mana tau, dapat menolong saudari semua:


1. Attitude : Have the "go to hell" attitude. Always protect your heart, your feelings, your self esteem. In short : Always PROTECT YOURSELF. Kalau kita selalu diperkecil-kecil kan sebab kita tak kawin lagi, jangan terasa sangat. Just pikir yang kita ni "belum sampai masanya untuk berumah tangga, Jodoh pertemuan di tangan tuhan.. jadi belum tertulis lagi.."


And please BE POSITIVE. 


Kita manusia hidup berpasangan. Allah jadikan pasangan Adam dan Hawa, untuk each other. Therefore, always believe that kita ada pasangan. Tapi belum bertemu lagi. Maybe pasangan kita jauh, kat oversea ke, you never know. Masing-masing ada pasangan masing-masing. 


2. Expectation: Sori cakap la pasal bende ni. Kita ni pompuan selalu ada angan-angan, nak yang macam tu, nak yang macam ni. Nak ada kereta, naik motor je tak nak. Nak cari yang dah ada rumah, senang, bila kawin, kesat kaki je masuk rumah. Nak yang bujang, duda tak mau. Leceh la, ada anak semua, I nak dia dengan I je, takkan I nak jaga anak-anak dia plak.. 

Pendek kata, expectation kita kadang2 ter-over-over. 

Nak yang handsome, understanding, caring, loving... ada ke lelaki "so perfect" macam tu?


Contoh :


Bila kita dating, nampak je lelaki tu hisap rokok, terus cancel. Sebab expectation kita "tak nak lelaki merokok"..


Nampak je lelaki tu pakai cap, macam budak2, gelak gelak... kita pikir: ish! mamat ni...so childish la, tak nak la..aku nak yang dah matang...


Bila lelaki tu senyap je, tak cakap banyak...kita pikir:" apasal senyap sangat? Boring la mamat ni...malas la aku nak keluar macam ni dengan dia.."


Bila lelaki tu bayar untuk tiket wayang dia sendiri, kita kene bayar untuk kita sendiri (go dutch la), kita pikir : "Mak aiii...kedekut nye mamat ni... tak kuasa aku...."


Bila lelaki tu pakai gel banyak kat rambut dia, kita terus pikir : Eh! mamat ni gay ke? isshhh geli la.... menyesal!!!"

Ladies, beware of our expectations. "Do not judge book by it's covers". Lelaki pun ada cara nak duga kita, perempuan. Tak ramai lelaki melayu (especially) yang akan tunjuk true color dia depan kita. Ramai yang "pretend" dulu, lelaki punyai sifat "wait and see". 

Jadi kita sebagai wanita, jangan terpedaya dengan action dia masa first few dates. Get to know him first. Learn about him. After few months you are together, kalau tak "click" jugak, it's time to let go and keep on browsing other choices.

You will never know that the guy who wears alot of gell on his head might be the one for you. Kalau kita cepat sangat Ditch him, you will never find out, you will miss the boat.

3. DEPENDENCY : Ramai kita wanita nampak "terlalu independent". Kereta bayar sendiri, apartment bayar sendiri, bill semua bayar sendiri. Jadi ramai lelaki macam takut dengan kita.  But they never know deep down in our heart, we need somebody in our life, as our partner. Apa yang kita paparkan pada luaran nampak yang kita ni tak perlu sesiapa. 

So, my suggestion is, TONE DOWN abit: jangan nampak sangat yg kita ni "terlalu independent". Tak payah beritahu the guys kita ada itu ini during the dates with him. That will scare them away. Ramai lelaki kalau dapat tahu yg perempuan yg dia usha tu lebih mewah dari dia, ramai yang lari. Tak percaya, tanya lah lelaki. Be secretive about how much you earn, and what assets you have. Get him to fall in love with you first. Once the guys is in love with you, Hurricane Katrina pun tak leh dapat jauhkan dia dari you. So, think about it.

4. Get a Pet : Bela lah kucing ke, arnab ke, hamster ke. Bukan apa, having a pet is a big responsibility. You need to feed, nurture, care, clean and take care. Jadi tak de lah kita depress day in day out thinking about your marital issue syndrome. When you have a pet, you will feel the unconditional love and that makes you a warm person.

5. Plan your life : Jangan disebabkan kita tak kawin lagi, kita kene tangguh plan-plan untuk diri kita. Jangan! Time waits for no one. Kalau kita plan nak backpack to europe, pegi! U never know jodoh u kat sana. if you dont go there, u miss the chance!. kalau rasa nak pegi Haji, pegi, tak payah tunggu lelaki nak bawak u. Kalau u dapat offer kerja tempat lain, by all means, GO.

6. Hijrah : Rasulullah pun berhijrah. Hijrah ni bagus sekali. Bila kita pindah, contoh from KL to Kuantan, banyak kebaikan dari kita duduk kat satu tempat, dari kita lahir, sampai kita mati. Hijrah membuka minda kita, boleh memudahkan kita "bukak buku yang baru", start new, start fresh. Orang-oran yang kita akan jumpa pun lain dari yang dulu. So we have chances to build a new life, be a new person. Sometimes, that's what we really need, CHANGE. 

So, to all my friends, Good luck and happy hunting!

"Your Son is Progressing Fine, Dont Worry" - Teacher LC told me this morning

I went to Assunta Kindergarten today to pay for my son's monthly fee. 


Alot of other parents choose to pay by giving their children the monies, and the children will pay their teachers, but I dont. 


It's not that I dont trust my 6 year old son, but I'd rather go and drop by myself. If there is opportunity, I will ask the teachers how is my son's progress in school. 

So this morning, I had the opportunity to talk to Teacher LC, my son's class teacher. She said that my son is progressing very well. She let my son sits in front of the class, nearer to her, and according to her, my son is doing quite well for a 6 year old boy, who is too hyper-active and too bright. 

Noah Boy in Amsterdam, Holland, Nov 2008

I was very relieved to hear all that. I am a bit worried that he might get bored with the school.

GLOBAL WARMING??

Dah masuk 4-5 hari, panas betul cuaca kat luar tu. Kalau nak keluar rumah atau office, rasa bercinta sangat-sangat. Bukan apa..aku takut aku demam plak. Nanti keluar dari office, dari tempat ber-aircond, sejuk-sejuk, keluar ke tempat panas berdenting... pas tu masuk balik opis...isshhh...mahu tak seram sejuk badan aku dibuatnya?

Dalam TV, Manchester England snow sampai 25 inches. Gila babai... Masa aku belajar sana dulu, kalau snow pun, menurut kata they all, Manchester will have snow only ONCE in 10 years time. So masa aku kat sana dulu, merasa la snow, itu pun sikit je, tak tebal mana pun. Boleh lah setakat nak buat snowman kat depan Hall aku, nak baling-baling snowballs tu... tapi kejap je, lepas tu melt balik. Paling banyak pun "hujan batu" atau they all panggil "HALE". memang ais pun yang jatuh, sakit kepala kalau kene, tapi selalu la.

Aku rasa memang global Warming la sekarang ni. Tempat yang sejuk, jadi extreme sejuk, tempat yang panas jadi extreme panas. 

Ish... only if I can help in protecting mother earth... Aku akan start with buying a Hybrid Car nanti, bila kereta aku ni dah habis bayar. I love mother earth... At least anak-anak aku besok tak de la hidup dalam dunia yang teruk cuacanya... Kesian they all...