POLIGAMY

Aku nak cerita sikit pasal poligami.

Lelaki kalau dengar topic ni, semuanya berminat. Semuanya menyokong Poligamy ni. Tak pernah aku dengar tak menyokong. Semua cakap - ada tempat 3 lagi kosong, boleh la..apa salahnya... semua anggap macam best je poligamy ni.

Pendapat aku tak penting pasal issue ni. Sebab sebagai seorang perempuan, seorang isteri dan seorang ibu, banyak yang aku pelajari dari kawan-kawan malang yang pernah mengalami poligami dan juga

pengalaman dari orang terdekat aku sendiri mengenai perit getir POLIGAMI.

Aku selalu of course dari perempuan sendiri. Lelaki takkan berani berbicara "heart to heart" mengenai issue2 macam ni sebab ego mereka. Ada yang memang ternyata tak bahagia selepas kawin lain, muka macam taik, bercerai berai, naik turun mahkamah... tapi bila ditanya, apa cerita, semuanya senyap. Malah ada yang masih lagi boleh senyum lagi,

pura-pura saja, tapi kita tahu senyuman tu bukan datang dari hati. Takkan nak buka pekung di dada. Mesti malu kan...

Ramai wanita / kaum ibu yang selalu share perasaan diaorang, jadi pengalaman kawan2 dan saudara terdekat adalah pokok pangkal pada apa aku nak cerita ni.

Seorang daripada sepupu aku, aku anggap macam kakak sendiri, sekarang menderita, seorang diri. Umur dia dah nak masuk 50 tahun. Dulu masa muda, badan ada juga isi, tapi sekarang nampak kurus. Aku baru-baru ni jenguk dia di rumah dia di Kajang. Rumah pun tak terbela, lalang naik keliling rumah, rumah dah retak sana sini. Aku nampak ada 3 budak kecil tengah tergolek baring depan TV. Aku tak pernah nampak budak-budak tu. Aku ingatkan kakak aku ni mengasuh anak orang lain, kot-kot nak cari income lebih.

Masa aku berborak-borak dengan kakak aku, terkeluarlah dari mulut kakak aku yang budak-budak yang tengah syok tidur depan TV tu adalah anak-anak tiri dia. Anak kepada madu kakak aku. Madu yang jauh lebih muda. Suami dia yang main kayu tiga tu dulu arkitek, kerja di UKM. Sekarang dah berhenti kerja. Tak de pampasan apa2. Aku suspect dia kena terminate, sebab kalau berhenti secara baik, mesti ada pampasan, tak banyak pun sikit sebab suami dia ni kerja di UKM puluhan tahun.

Kakak aku tak pernah bekerja seumur hidup dia. Dia bergantung 100% pada suami tercinta yang akhirnya membelakang kan dia. Sekarang kakak aku buat kuih, jual air kat depan rumah dia untuk

sara diri dia dan anak dia yang bongsu, tingkatan 3. Tengah-tengah bercerita, tiba2 air mata mula mengalir kat pipi dia. Aku terus peluk dia untuk tenangkan hati dia. Aku tahu hati dia hancur sebab poligami dan di perbodoh-bodohkan oleh suami sendiri.

Dari insiden tu, aku terkenangkan zaman masa aku baru balik dari UK, habis belajar, aku dapat kerja di Bangi. Which was around 15 years ago. Aku tumpang rumah kakak aku ni, sebab tak de sedara mara lagi dah yang boleh mintak tolong. Aku rasa ada 2 tahun aku duduk rumah dia. Jadi banyak la peristiwa2, drama2 yang berlaku dalam masa tu.

Aku perasan yang suami kakak aku ni memang miang sikit la. Jenis suka perempuan. Muka dia tak hensem mana pun, rendah je orang nye, kepala seakan-akan macam botak sebab rambut dia kurang. Tapi memang charming orangnya. Cakap halus je, lepas tu suka joke-joke, buat orang gelak. Memang charming la. Aku pun paham kenapa kakak aku terpikat pada dia.

(gambar sebelah ni, dari kiri sekali - aku, anak kakak aku no 3 (tudung hitam), kakak aku (baju orange) dan abah aku (belakang).

Anak semua 5 orang. Yang sulung 3 perempuan, yang last 2 lelaki. They all nampak happy la masa tu. Aku tak suspect apa2 pun. Aku pegi kerja, balik kerja, sampai rumah mandi, makan pas tu tidur. Walaupun kakak aku ni suri rumah sepenuh masa, ada je dia duit nak beli ikan, sayur hari-hari di kedai runcit sebab suami dia berduit masa tu. Rumah dia di Kajang tu pun renovate, besarkan bilik depan, besarkan ruang tamu. Tapi slow la progressnya sebab suami dia buat sendiri. Ada mood dia buat, tak de mood, tak de la.

Sehingga tibalah satu ketika, aku kira2 dalam 1 tahun lepas aku duduk dengan diaorang, aku balik dari kerja, bukak je pintu, aku nampak anak2 they all semua dok berkumpul kat depan, dengan suami dia. Salah sorang anak dia cakap dengan aku..... "Mak tak de... Mak dah lari....."

Ha? aku terkejut. Dah lari?? Cane boleh jadi camni? Suami dia mintak tolong aku cari kakak aku. Aku pun start kereta, pegilah mana-mana aku rasa kakak aku ni pergi. Tapi aku rasa mcm kelakar sebab kakak aku selama aku membesar dengan dia, dia ni memang tak tahu drive, tak de lesen, dia tak tahu banyak bende. Mana dia nak pergi?

2-3 hari lepas kakak aku hilang, salah seorang anak dia call aku waktu aku tengah kerja, dia kata dah jumpa kakak aku. Rupa-rupanya dia pergi ke rumah anak dia yang sulung, yang dah kawin masa tu.

Sejak dari hari tu, suami dia macam segan dengan aku. Aku ni dah dewasa sikit compare dengan anak2 dia yang baru remaja masa tu, jadi dia takut la yang kakak aku akan cerita bende bukan-bukan pasal dia pada aku, jadi dia pun start la nak berbaik dengan aku. Padahal kakak aku tak cerita apa2 pun pada aku. Kakak aku ni jenis pendam.. diam je, tak banyak cerita orangnya. Tapi aku suspect mesti ada bende tak betul sampai kakak aku larikan diri. Aku malas nak tanya.

Satu hari, suami dia ajak aku pergi bandar Kajang. Dia suruh aku teman dia nak pasang tali raket badminton. So aku tak cakap banyak, pegi je la. Dalam kereta, dia pun cuba nak mengorek rahsia dari aku pasal kakak aku. Aku buat-buat macam tak tahu apa, aku plak yang tanya dia banyak soalan. Last-last dia mengaku yang dia ni ada perempuan lain. Perempuan tu jauh lebih muda, lagi cantik dari kakak aku. Janda, tapi tak de anak. Perempuan tu ajak dia kawin, lepas tu dia call rumah kakak aku, bercakap dengan kakak aku pasal they all berdua nak kawin.OOOHHHHH!!! patut la kakak aku lari!!!!!!!

Aku tergamam masa tu. Cara dia bercerita pada aku macam very simple, dia tak de rasa bersalah apa-apa dalam hal ni.

Dia nampak aku senyap je, dia pun start komen pasal kakak aku. Dia kata kakak aku ni comot, tak pandai ambik hati dia. Suka pakai kain batik buruk, tak pandai berhias diri. Bila dia balik dari kerja, kakak aku jarang buatkan air untuk dia, nak duduk dekat2 dia nak manja-manja. Dia siap kutuk rambut kakak aku merebang, tak reti jaga image. Dia kata dia malu nak bawak kakak aku pegi majlis mana-mana sebab imej takut tercalar. Ye la ..dia kan arkitek.

Aku terasa sebab dia menghina kakak aku. Aku tanya dia, "ada cerita dengan Kak pasal bende-bende ni? dia tahu tak?"

Jawab dia "alah, awak tahu la kakak awak tu bukannya sekolah punye orang. Kalau abang cakap dengan dia pun, dia takkan paham punye"

Yang tak sedap dengar tu, dah lah awak nak kawin lain, jangan la kutuk plak yang dah tua dan beranak 5 beri dia waris untuk akhirat, yang banyak berkorban untuk dia sampai dia hidup mewah sekarang. Bila hidup dah mewah, duit dah banyak, kereta dulu proton buruk je, sekarang dah pakai Alfa Romeo, lupa daratan. Kalau kakak aku tak berkorban sama-sama senang, sama sama susah dengan dia, lain la cerita. Aku memang terasa masa tu.

Aku macam tak percaya. Salah seorang anak kakak aku yang rapat sikit dengan aku pun start bercerita pasal bapak dia dan "the new girlfriend". Anak dia yang ni memang favourite si bapak, so banyak bende la si bapak ni dok share dengan anak dia yang ni.

"abah nak kawin dengan untie tu. Dia cakap, tak kira la apa jadi. Kalau mak nak lari lagi, lari lah...abah takkan cari... "

" untie tu rumah besar, pas tu banyak kasik abah duit. Saya pun dia kasik duit.. abah cakap abah macam terhutang budi la.."

Selepas insiden tu, kakak aku jadi tak tenteram. Masak sekali seminggu pun susah, anak-anak dia balik dari sekolah semua tapau je. Rumah pun dia tak cara. Porak peranda . Anak-anak dia sampai tak sempat bangun pegi sekolah sebab kakak aku lambat bangun, ataupun dia lari lagi dari rumah sampai berminggu-minggu. Aku plak yang kene pikul tanggung jawab sebagai ibu budak-budak tu.

Sampai satu ketika, kakak aku bersemuka dengan aku, dia suruh aku cari rumah lain, duduk sendiri. Dia cakap aku cuba goda suami dia. Aku tanya dia kenapa dia cakap macam tu, dia cakap, suami dia kata aku cuba goda dia, ajak sumai dia pergi kajang betulkan raket badminton. Bodoh betul la.. memang bangang!!! Apa sebenarnya yang berlaku jauh sama sekali dengan apa dia cerita pada kakak aku. Aku cerita pada kakak aku apa sebenarnya dia cakap. Tapi kakak aku nampak serabut masa tu. Jadi dia macam endah tak endah. Aku terasa sangat masa tu, tapi aku lebih paham perasaan dia & apa yang dia alami, so aku undur diri.

Lepas 2 bulan aku menyewa sendiri, aku dengar suami dia dah kawin.

Kakak aku call aku, nak jumpa. Aku tahu dia sedia nak meluahkan perasaan. Dia cakap yang dia pernah mengandung lepas anak dia yang last, tapi suami dia suruh gugurkan.

Alasan : suami dia tak nak anak kecik lagi dah.

Kakak aku cerita yang isteri muda dia mengandung. Berlinang air mata kakak aku bila bercerita. Aku pun naik sebak. Dia mengaku di perbodoh-bodohkan oleh suami sendiri. Dia cakap nak mintak cerai.

Dia nak aku duduk semula dengan dia, tapi aku tak nak. Aku plak nanti naik serabut, dan kalau boleh aku tak nak masuk campur dalam hal rumah tangga orang. Lagipun aku kawin pun tak lagi masa tu. Isshhh... takut!!

Kakak aku tekad nak jaga diri dia sendiri, jaga anak-anak dia.Lepas 2-3 tahun, aku dengar kakak aku berpindah sana-sini. Akhirnya pindah semula ke kajang. Suami dia berhutang dengan bisnes partner dia, sampai kene gadai rumah dia sebijik kat Bandar Tasik Selatan. Kereta Alpha Romeo tak berjalan pun, sebab spare part tak de duit nak beli. Ada tersadai depan rumah dia kat Kajang. Rumah di Kajang tu je selamat dari tergadai sebab suami dia namakan rumah tu under kakak aku. Nasib baik. Kalau tidak, duduk mana agaknya kakak aku.

Sekarang suami dia tak kerja. Isteri muda dia kerja Nurse. Kat hospital mana, aku tak tahu. Tak de duit nak hantar anak-anak kecik dia gi taska, dia suruh kakak aku jaga. Jadi kakak aku ni macam orang bodoh, jaga anak tiri. Tu yang kakak aku sedih. Masa dia mengandung, suami suruh gugur sebab tak nak anak kecik, tapi bila kawin dengan bini muda, ada 3 anak kecik. memang kene bohong cukup2 la kakak aku ni. Kesian. Allah je yang tahu. Mintak cerai, suami dia tak nak. Jadi macam kain buruk je la kakak aku ni sampai ke akhir hayat dia. Nasib baik anak-anak kakak aku semua sayangkan mak... semuanya alhamdulillah...sejahtera la. Jadi boleh lah kakak aku menumpang anak-anak dia.

Balik raya hari tu, suami dia bawak kakak aku balik, dengan anak-anak dia....sekali dengan bini muda. Puuhhhh!!!! Jangan main-main. Tak pernah dibuat orang tu.

Makan kat kampung aku, semua jenis makan berhindang , dengan safrah semua. Suami dia duduk bukan main rapat dengan bini muda dia. Sambil-sambil makan tu, dia borak-borak berdua, lepas tu suap-suap each other plak tu!!!!! Gila !!!! Aku sempat toleh tengok kakak aku masa tu sibuk ke hulu ke hilir nak melayan anak-anak dia makan... berubah air muka kakak aku nampak suami dengan bini muda dia bersuap-suap. Bapak aku yang dah tua tu, terus tak selara makan, basuh tangan. Berani betul dia buat macam tu pada kakak aku depan keluarga dia. Memang kurang ajar la...

TAK SALAH AJAR ANAK PEREMPUAN KE DAPUR

Apa nak jadi dengan budak-budak remaja perempuan sekarang ni? Umur baru 12 tahun, dah ada boyfriend. Tapi basuh pinggan pun tak pandai. Sidai baju pun tak pandai.

Anak sedara suami aku datang duduk dengan aku selama 2 minggu masa cuti sekolah baru-baru ni. Hari pertama, kedua, ketiga, aku larat lah nak melayan makan minum diaorang. 2 orang plak tu. Kalau sorang tu aku tak lah penat sangat. Kebetulan pulak aku cuti akhir tahun masa tu. Jadi banyak masa la terluang duduk di rumah. Duduk rumah memang la, tapi aku tengah termengah-mengah mengandung 4 bulan, mabuk2 nak muntah pun masih ada lagi, jadi aku senang penat. Basuh pinggan 4-5 bijik, aku dah start rasa letih.

Yang bengangnya, anak sedara aku 2 orang ni anak dara, sorang baru habis UPSR, yang sorang dah masuk tingkatan 2. Bagi aku, diaorang ni dah remaja dah la. Period pun dah datang, consider bukan budak lagi la.

Macam aku cakap tadi, pegi celik mata, bukak TV, tengok cerita Indon. Lepas tu tengok cerita melayu. Petang sambung tengok cerita Indon lagi. Selang-selang tu, kalau diaorang nampak computer aku free, dok menggodeh friendster plak. Itu je lah kerja diaorang. Aku perhati je dalam masa 4-5 hari. Aku senyap dulu.

Breakfast aku sediakan, pagi-pagi ada je lah bende aku usahakan letak atas meja makan, bukan apa..jangan plak diaorang mengadu dengan mak diaorang aku tak bagi diaorang makan. Tak syok plak. Masuk tengah hari, masak plak. Kadang-kadang tu, kalau aku tak larat, aku beli je kat luar. Tapi kalau setakat untuk aku sorang, beli hari-hari pun tak pe. Ni ramai macam ni, habis la duit aku kalau hari-hari nak beli. Dah lah suami aku buat dek je pasal duit-duit ni. lagipun aku ni tak berkira sangat, nak mintak dengan dia pun segan, sebab aku kerja, ada duit sendiri.

Yang bestnya, budak 2 orang ni, bila dah habis makan je, letak je pinggan dalam sinki. Aku senyap lagi. Apalah salahnya kalau tolong basuhkan. Aku plak saja buat-buat drama depan diaorang aku penat. Aku baring atas sofa panjang, aku diam. Aku harap-harap, petang nanti bila aku bangun, sinki aku bersih, kot-kot diaorang basuh pinggan. Tak jugak.

Sampai lah suami aku balik kerja, bukak baju, tolong aku masak untuk dinner, masa tu la suami aku perasan pinggan bertimbun dalam sinki, dia yang basuh. Tak cakap banyak.

Kain baju, satu hal lagi. Aku tolong basuh, apa lah salah kalau diaorang tolong sidaikan. Ini tidak. Dok berkempam lah baju dalam bakul tu, sehari suntuk, aku terjumpa, sidaikan la. Masa tu aku start rasa naik angin.

Masa aku masak, aku punya Astro aku pasang kat dapur, so family room aku memang sebelah dapur. Diaorang dengar aku dok ke hulu ke hilir, bukak peti ais, ambik ikan, sayur, nak masak..diaorang boleh senyap je, tak toleh pun, dok asyik sangat tengok cerita Indon TV3 tu. Tak salah kalau diaorang datang kat aku tanya apa nak tolong, potong-potong bawang ke, apa yang patut... ini tidak...buat dek je. Mana tak aku start naik angin????

Aku pelik betul. Masuk hari ke 7, mana tahan!!!!

Aku cakap dengan suami, "lain kali, anak sedara you kalau nak datang, jangan duduk sini lama-lama. Satu benda pun diaorang tak tolong I. I tak larat nak layan diaorang."

Muka suami aku dah masam satu hari, sebab aku tegur anak sedara dia. Suami aku boleh jawab "alah...diaorang budak-budak lagi la... lagipun, budak zaman sekarang ni, mana ada yang nak sangat buat kerja dapur ni... anak sedara you tu dulu pun sama jugak.."

Jawapan dia tu buat darah aku lagi naik. Aku pun jawap la... "anak sedara i at least ada jugak tolong sapu sampah, lipat baju, sidai baju. Cuma masak je dia malas, ada jugak bende lain dia tolong!!!"

Aku tahu kalau terus bertekak lagi, memang semua nak menang, so aku diam. Diam tapi hati memang panas. Aku menyampah tengok muka diaorang masa tu.

Mana boleh tegur sedara mara adik beradik dia. Tapi kali ni aku tak peduli. Aku sound direct je.

Lepas 6 hari, kakak ipar aku (mak pada salah sorang anak sedara aku ni ) datang dari Kelantan, nak ambik la anak dia ni balik. AKu punye la lega masa tu.

Kelakar tak kelakar, masa mak dia datang, pandai plak anak dara dia tu basuh pinggan. Aku naik pelik dibuatnye... oohhh rupanya selama ni dia saja tak nak ke dapur. Bila mak dia datang, nampak lah yang dia ni rajin duduk rumah aku. Cerdik..... memang cerdik........ cerdik menipu...

Masa kakak ipar aku datang tu, dia ada lah bercerita pasal adik dia sorang ni, perempuan, sebaya dengan aku, anak dah nak masuk 3, dah kawin, duduk serumah dengan mak mentua aku kat Kelantan. Diaorang dok cerita yang kakak ipar aku ni pemalas, langsung tak nak tolong mak mentua aku kat dapur, bila ada masa je balik rumah mentua dia. Sampai masa mak mentua aku sakit, kakak ipar aku yang pemalas ni tinggalkan mak dia, pegi balik rumah mentua dia. Anak-anak dia yang 2 orang tu (sorang 1 1/2 thn, yang sorang lagi 3 tahun) mak aku yang mandikan, basuh baju diaorang. Ibarat kata kakak aku, mak mentua aku di jadikan macam "HAMBA" oleh anak perempuan dia sendiri. Kecoh la dok bercerita.

Dalam kecoh-kecoh dia bercerita, aku sound direct je, "Saya masa kecik-kecik, umur 9 tahun mak saya dah ajar saya masuk ke dapur, masak nasi, jerang air".

Pas tu dia mengaku "hak ah... akak dulu pun, memang mak tak pernah suruh ke dapur, bila akak dah kawin, baru akak berlajar masak".

Pas tu aku tambah lagi.. " Bila kecik-kecik dah ajar ke dapur, jadi tak de issue la. Mak saya umur 50 tahun, dia dah relax, tak de dapur lagi dah. Saya dengan adik saya yang masak. Sedap tak sedap, lain cerita... tapi memang kita orang dididik macam tu... jadi tak kekok ke dapur".

Dia jawap balik.." tapi anak sekarang ni, susah sikit, nak belajar lagi..balik sekolah dah pukul berapa...kesian... adik-beradik akak memang tak ke dapur sangat, mak tak ajar macam tu"

Aku pun tambah lagi ..." prinsip arwah mak saya, anak perempuan, belajar tinggi macam mana pun , memang akan ke dapur jugak. Kalau dia belajar pandai, alhamdulillah... macam bonus la.... Tapi kalau tak pandai, sekurang-kurang nya kat dapur dia pandai....."

Lepas tu kakak ipar aku terus senyap. Aku bagi habis-habisan...Tapi aku tahu dia akui apa yang aku cakap tu memang betul. Sebab dia sendiri tak berapa pandai, sekolah tak habis, pas tu kawin. Jadi dia faham bila aku cakap macam tu.

Apa yang aku perasan, orang Kelantan memang tak galakkan sangat anak perempuan dia ke dapur. Kalau bab-bab meralam, pakai baju cantik, jaga muka, jaga kulit, pakai tudung lawa tu, nombor satu. Sebab tu awek kelantan cantik-cantik..comel-comel.

Tapi beware gentlemen...... bila awak dah kawin dengan dia, rumah awak bersarang....... sebab diaorang tak pandai berkemas rumah, tak pandai menghias rumah.... masak memang out!!!! Aku tengok anak-anak sedara aku yang umur 1 sampai 3 tahun comot gila. Mak dia sibuk tidur. Anak baru setahun setengah, dah mengandung lagi. Mak mabuk, apa lagi, tidor la... anak dia membesar dengan sendiri je.... tidor sendiri, makan nenek sediakan.... nasib baik nenek ada.....

Bagi aku, kecantikan tu hanya secara sementara saja. Lelaki bila tengok perempuan cantik, memang dia hendak. Tapi bila lepas kawin, kecantikan tu semua selalu lelaki tak pandang sangat dah....

Masa belum ada anak, memang la cantik, slim menyelim.... tapi once kita perempuan dah start pregnant, masuk bulan ke 5 pregnant, pinggang dah tak de bentuk lagi dah....masa tu la kita ingat sapa diri kita, secara dalaman..bukan secara luaran lagi. Kecantikan tu memang sementara sahaja

Kebanyakan kawan-kawan aku, bila dah start bersalin, ada anak.... badan masing2 memang tak tentu shapenya...masuk gym la, pegi spa la... pun tak berapa jadi jugak. kadang-kadang ada yang terus tak jaga kulit muka...... jadi apa yang kekal nye??

Yang tinggal itu adalah :

Cara kita melayan suami, masakkan utk dia, kemaskan rumah dia, jaga kebersihan rumah tangga dia, cara melayan adik beradik dia bila datang ke rumah, jaga budi bahasa dengan ibu bapa dia....itu lagi penting......

Jadi, untuk sesapa yang ada anak perempuan tu, fikir-fikir kan la.... kalau anak kita minat belajar, sokong minat dia tu, tapi ingat-ingatkan dia jugak bende-bende basic rumah tangga.

Lepas makan, basuh pinggan, lap meja, sapu nasi yg jatuh atas lantai. Tak de pun ambik masa berjam-jam nak buat tu semua, 10 minit paling lama pun.

Weekend, ajar dia basuh baju, sidai baju. Bila kita masak untuk family, ajak dia tengok cara kita tumis-tumis bawang ke. Saya dulu arwah mak ajar tumis-tumis je dulu. Dia tumbuk dah rencah tu, pas tu saya yang tumiskan. Lama-lama tu pandai la masak... senang je... proses nye berulang-ulang..tapi kene di ajar.

Bila kita lipat baju, ajak dia duduk sekali lipat baju. Budak-budak akan ikut kalau kita ajar.

Buat homework, buat la...tapi bende-bende simple macam ni bukannya ambik masa yang lama. Ini semua adalah untuk kesenangan kita sebagai ibu bapa bila kita dah tua nanti.

NEW YEAR'S RESOULTION???

It's daunting to think back when I was younger..I am now 36 about to turn 37 this febuary..that those years when I was younger and not married, I always come up with a new year's resoultion once the clock stroke midnight. Be it at home or in those unforgettable street party venues together with my friends. There's always something to resolute.

But as years passing by, I dont really obsess about making any resolutions anymore.Small things like getting and staying at new job, get good bonuses and great boyfriend doesnt really apply to me as years passed by. It's funny how life gets much more simpler as you get older. Now me and hubby has our own house in Kuantan, also just purchased one unit of condo in Metropolitan Square in Damansara Perdana which cost us quite a bum, but we managed somehow. Our priorities are now different and much more bigger.

This is the point when I remembered my so called sister in law who was already married to my brother and have an 8 year old daughter at the time when I asked her a very simple question - "Agaknya lelaki macam mana yang patut saya cari ye kak.. " and coldly slammed me back by saying " Akak sekarang tak pikir dah pasal nak cari lelaki, akak sekarang pikir macam mana cara nak mendidik anak". That was it, and she walked off. I was left cold and battered by that answer, coz I was trying to make a conversation with her, but it was wrong.
But now I can understand why married woman tends to be more serious about life and family. But too serious like her, hmmm.... not me... I am happy.

Why making new years resolution? Am I not having any focus on what I want anymore? or my glass is ALMOST full?

I guess it can be both. The very thought of that makes me scared and OLD..... yuuukkkhhhh!!!!!

Does having what I wanted (family, kids, husband, nice homes) really makes me happy right now?

Wow... then my goals are that simple.. I need to re-think about this.....

MALAYSIA IS FULL OF INCOMPETENT TEACHERS TEACHING IN OUR SCHOOLS

I know what I am about to write here is going to be controversional, but it just has to be said.

I observe a lot of teachers in my life. Back when I was young,more than 25 years ago in Muar, I was schooled in Sultan Abu Bakar Primary Girl School till Penilaian Standard 5. Later then, I was enrolled in Maktab Rendah Sains Mara Bakri, Muar till Form 5 before I am off to England for my undergraduate studies. In our lives, we cant escape the fact that we are close to teachers, second to our parents. We spend almost 8 hours in school. Morning in primary school, later afternoon in Religion School, at least I did back then. We come back home close to 6pm almost everyday, have our dinner, do our homework, watch little TV then off to bed. We do spend most of our days in schools.

Those days, teachers are among the most respected individual in our society. Probably it is because they are among elite educated individual, competent enough back then to lead and educate our young ones, and we sort of give our faith in our teachers. Everything was great. Not much of disciplinary issues back then when I was schooling. Every student respect teachers, we listen to them, we admire them, and some of us were inspired by them, considering being a teacher is a choice of profession if you ask some children back then.

I remember my Standard 2 class teacher, Puan Kalsom. She looked very fierce but she was really good teacher. I was appointed by her to be the Head of the Class. Among my duty was to clean the whiteboard off the chalk everytime class finishes, line up the class member before class starts and during assemblies, and my favourite one was sending piles of exercise books to the teacher's room after their classes.

This is the time when I get to knock on the Teacher's room door, get inside and put the big pile on top of their desks. It was a respected position being the Head of the Class and I loved it. If this happens during recess times, I could see almost every class teacher inside the room, munching away their lunches and they talk about their students. One corner, the teacher is talking about the next field trip, the other 3 were talking about science subject and I can see they are burning something in a glass container.

The other corner, a few Ustazah was talking about some prayers and I can hear them reading from some books. Everytime I step in the room during recess, they are talking about enhancing their teaching and gathering ideas of what next.

The reason I remember Puan Kalsom the most is because she was the one who teaches us basic science and we were always eager when her class started. She will take us out of the class room, get us to sit under a very big Sena tree in the school compound, and start teaching us about nature, grass, why they are green, what makes them breathe etc. I was so fascinated by her. She believed learning is process of seeing and touching. We get to catch butterflies & grasshoppers among other insects that infested our green football field, touch them and release them back to the air. We aced in the subject, and we were only 8 years old!!!

She teached us science until standard 5, and later I heard that she had some disease and can no longer teach.

But I saw her once in a while in the teachers room when she paid her visit to her colleagues.

Then my adventure in Maktab Rendah Sains Mara starts. The teachers there are very well mannered, some of them quickly become friends with some of us, and almost every one of them have very open mind. This is an exceptional school and I loved every bit of it. They teach me to love knowledge, and the teachers emphasized it more, and it's really fun!

My homeroom teacher, Puan Badariah, who also taught us Additional Maths, Puan Rosnah who taught us Chemistry, are among those with greatest impact in my schooling life. These individuals are really something. They become what they are and good at it because they LOVE DOING IT, no external force make them do otherwise. We can feel it through their tenacity in teaching and educating. In short, they LOVE what they do and that makes them very good, honest and SINCERE. The results are tremendous, almost all of us passed with flying colours, some made it to England, some to other parts of the world namely US, Australia, Germany. We really made them proud, second to our parents.

But look at what happened now? year 2009 & 2010. Everything seems to be bad when it comes to our local education. Graduates flooded our unemployment charts, teachers become more like a profession than something noble, it's merely getting the salary and to some, it's just an escape route out of unemployment. To my own detriment, teachers now are more like "PAYCHECK" monster. They care less about the students, they do it because they failed at everything else. They failed at numerous interviews they went, none of private sectors willing to take them, nonetheless almost everyone of them can barely speak good english!!! Not to mention to hire them.

Malays are the biggest portion I am talking about here. I sound ruthless but yes I am.

Furthermore, I have quite a number or teachers in my life too right now, related, non-related, most being married and all.. they are no other than those individual who are struggling with "not" wanting to educate their fellow students. Some expressed regrets. Some admitted they had no other choice of profession. Filling up KPLI forms are the last resort. After all, they also said they will never get sacked if they slack, the worst, the government will transfer them to "problematic" school. Whatever that means, I sounds scary to me and my younger generations.

Some even told me, working with government, they can escape retrenchment, government will not fire staff, "if they dont like me, they will transfer me elsewhere, but the main important thing is I still get paid."

Among my own relatives who took teaching as profession, 6 close relatives of mine, to be exact, come back from school, after dinner, out of the 6, only 1 single individual I know will look through some books, reading through some articles of what to teach their student tomorrow.

Some others, I never seen them doing any revision or even reading anything for next day's teaching preparation. Until to the point I was shocked that they are Secondary School teachers. Wow! they must be damn clever to remember everything before teaching a class without revising first, or my guess is, they just dont care, they read from the books out loud, when bright students ask for details, they will shut them off and change the subject. The latter is what I suspected.

When English was introduced to primary schools, some retaliated loudly and opposed the government's move right to the grave. The subject became hot topic after dinner everytime I came back hometown for holidays. Some are quite cool about it.Name it, the ones that are cool about it are the ones that CARE about our students!

All in all, those who retaliated (very big fraction are the malays in Kelantan, escpecially) without realizing that they admitted this fact. They are "scared" and felt stupid because they cant even speak proper Bahasa Malaysia, not to mention English, for god's sake!!!!!!!! One of them started talking to me and laugh everytime he speaks english to me (me and hubby are the the only ones studied overseas, we never see english as "alien" language, we enjoyed them). It's like a 5 year old trying to speak english and all pronounciations are haywired. Damn it was funny!!!

They struggled to speak to outsiders ("Orang Luar"), (that's what they call us who are not born in Kelantan)because outsiders speak much more relaxed bahasa compare to them.

I am not worried about them, most of them have passed 40 years of age, couldnt care less about educating their own children, not to mention other students who are not theirs biologically.

I question about the younger teachers, graduates who enrolled in as teachers.

What kinds of measures the government take to tell who is "fit and unfit" for the job?

Filling up quotas are one issue, but just by taking anyone off the street without having any passion for educating the young ones are nonsense!!!.

I have a few suggestions here that the government should consider :

a) Interview them for the job.

Interview should be conducted by good teacher himself. Have a few other panels ready during the interview - each from disciplinary dept, finance, administration, subject mattered dept etc... how would I know all these, I am not a teacher.. but I am just giving suggestions.

b) Give at least 2 years probation period. The reason I suggest longer period is because their performance should be based on their teaching subjects and the results of their classes. Examination is once a year, right? So how can you judge the teacher through 6 months? If their classes couldnt barely understand what she's teaching and the teacher has no tenacity in teaching and educating, it will show in the final class result.

c) Never ever encourage female teachers to get pregnant during these probation period. The reason is obvious. She will be a passenger, not the driver if she is pregnant for 1/2 of the year during the probation period, there's no way you can asses her.

d) Have an Evaluation Programme for teachers performance from all aspects. From her colleagues, from her pierces, and also from her students.

1. Merit them on Communications, Relations with others, Effective Teaching Methods, Creativity in teaching methods etc... and of course the behavioral attributes like Attitude, Knowledge, Common Sense, Ability to speak more than 1 language....
2. Most people think that student's feedback is not important, but it is. From students you can gauge :

• Teacher's appearance (nicely dressed or untidy),
• Hygiene- some teachers can teach in dirty classes, I cant. I like it tidy and neat.
• Effective Listening - teachers using their voices appropriately- just imagine 1 class of 45 students, teacher has a very soft voice, those at the back cannot hear her, not to mention to understand her... that's not children's fault.. Teachers should know how to use their voice depending on the class size.
• Effective Understanding - teachers who will try as much as they can to get the children understand what she's teaching will use various methods and techniques, so children can grasp. This also shows how passionate one is to educating. Those who dont care, they dont have this attribute!!!!
• Creativity / Preparedness before classes - as I mentioned earlier, teachers who revise first before class are bound to answer questions on the spot, and will not defer the answer. Only students can asses these characteristics.
• Fluency in other language(especially english)- some teachers sails through teaching english class like a sunny day without any obstacles or hindrance. But most malay teachers struggle like a 5 year old trying to spell "elephant" and doesnt even get their pronounciations right. Only students can asses these. Some teachers think they are superior in the class, they get to do what they want, headmaster not watching them, they teach half in Malay, half in english.. and it's comfortable to their tounge. But I am sure students will get confused!!!!! If the subject in English, teach in english only. If bahasa, teach in bahasa only. Then it will be less confusing to our young minds.

e) Get parents involved in the evaluation process. Some parents (like me, of course) are concerned about their children's education. They would want to hear and see what their day school teachers are teaching their children. The parent teacher meeting should not be restricted to once or twice a year. It should be done monthly. And progress and actions taken about all matters -should be recorded and dealt with.

It seems too much to handle huh?? But if you get the system right, everything will fall into place.

I am only talking about Primary and Secondary schools.

Why do you think local graduates cannot make it to the corporate world nowadays?

I'd say the problem comes from the ROOT!!!!! You fix the root, you get the fruits. If the roots are not healthy and incompetent, the fruits you get will be just as ROTTEN!!!!

I am just guessing from the above suggestions. I feel these measures should be strong in Primary and Secondary Schools.

If the "INCOMPETENCE TEACHERS" problems are solved, a lot of other things will just be in place naturally.

Rather than merely blaming parents for children's slacking which is always the easiest escape nowadays, what's the point of sending your children to school if everything is blamed on us, parents? Why pay hundreds of ringgit to send our children to school?

Why battle traffic jam every morning sending our kids to school every morning, and yet teachers can just lay back and point fingers to parents for their children's downfall?

If malaysia is like US, they recognize home schooling, I dont mind doing it to my children. Unfortunately they dont.

So, do look at the source of the problems, and these are just around you. If you look closer and listen carefully, you'll agree with me.

WHY MEN DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW IS IT LIKE TO BE PREGNANT?

I had a bit of a rowl with my husband the other day about some house chores. I am pregnant right now and I am feeling very tired and sleepy most of the time. I read it in pregnancy books, and confirms that I am not a alien in feeling like so, coz it's normal.

My spouse commented about some dishes I left in the sink because I felt too sick and tired to wash it, I lied down in bed and took a nap. I totally forgot about the dishes.

When he came back, he started commenting about me not keeping the house in order. I snapped! I tried to explain it's not that I purposely feel this way, but I do. It's natural feeling of nausea and vomitting that keeps me feeling very tired everyday for the past 2 months (I am now 11 weeks pregnant). Words keeps on flying between my husband and I until there's a final silence, I retreat into a corner and keep quiet for the whole night, sleeping in pain.

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about why men do not try to understand how we, women feel when we are pregnant. I bought a number of pregnancy books ever since I got pregnant with my 5 year old son, but I never see him take any interest in reading those books, or at the least flip the pages to see the pictures. No. Not at all. Why??

It's his doing that get me knocked up anyway, and once I am in the swaying of pregnancy blues, why he pretend he doesnt want to know about it? Does he even care?

Or is it just the male ego that makes him act that way?

Any of you who have feedbacks about this, lets comment.

Its been a while since I wrote. Here I am again.

This time, I would like to share my experience, being pregnant.

I am now 10 weeks and counting. It's too early to say anything but being optimistic always helps, and the baby will be happier too if I am optimistic.

If any one of you would like to share your pregnancy experience with me, please do so.. you are welcome!

When I found out I was pregnant, it was after Hari Raya time, in September. When I went for check up, just to confirm my pregnancy, my gynie was skeptical whether I was really pregnant. So he asked to scan the baby through the vagina instead of the tummy. So I did. and true enough, I was pregnant.

I was very happy.

But the hormone raging up and down takes some toll on me. I started feeling queasy and exhausted all the time. I can barely cook for my family, I can barely do the dishes. Luckily my dearest hubby is the most loving and understanding hubby I have, he cleans and do the laundry for me. We eat out.

Taking care of my 5 year old son also takes a toll on me during these period, therefore I cautiously tell him every now and then that mommy is tired, mommy have a baby in her tummy. He understands it right away. I am blessed with understanding family.

My Very Own Viral Fever Testimony

Wednesday 29 July 2009

I was attending a grooming class in one of the spa in Indera Mahkota Kuantan. The coordinator, who we call Kak Cah brought her teenage daughter along with her to the spa that day. I was as usual, chats with everybody. What I noticed was her daughter, by the name of Iba looked very pale, not because she's not wearing any colour on her face but she looks genuinely ill. Kak Cah told us that her daughter is having cold and flu, and she gets bored at home, therefore she allowed the daughter to come along with her that day.

Deep down in my heart, this is going to be dangerous for me as Iba keeps on sneezing and coughing and she doesnt carry even a single tissue in her hand to cover her sneezes and coughes. The spa is not really well ventilated, the rooms were air conditioned, which makes matters worst! I tried to stay away, but being a malay, it will offend the mother if I were to even suggest the idea that I am avoiding her daughter!!.

So I know where I got the virus from. A very Bad Bad Bad Virus!!!!

In the noon, Iba decided to go back and rest. When I heard that, I was relieved!!!

I thought I was safe, but I was already infected!!!

Thursday 30 July 2009

This is the day like every other day. I felt completely fine.

Friday 31 July 2009

When I wake up from bed in the morning, I felt my throat is irritated. Very mild irritation. I took water with me everywhere. I went to spa class again, and on the way, I dropped by seven eleven shop to buy 2 packs of fisherman friends lozenge, in pirsuit of dampening my throat irritation.

The class finishes at noon today, so I packed some lunch to go and eat at home. In my mind, I am going to attend my gym class at 5 today as my normal routines every friday. But what I was not expecting that I was feeling dizzy, and suddenly my body temperature starts rising to 39C right after I took my lunch. I was completely veged out in bed..helpless and damn!!!! I am down with cold.

I have no flu. Just sore throat and fever. My nose is completely dry. But I can fell at the centre of my forehead, in between my two eyes,right on the nose, some sort of very hot mucus got stuck there. That liquid (mucus) whatever does not go away even I try to clear my nose, blow both nose as hard as I could, but the "blockage" feeling is still there.

I wento to clinic this very night to get treatment. The doctor gave me some antibiotics for my throat and some paracetamol for my fever and some other medicine to reduce the swelling of my throat. I gobbled down every single medicine and tried to go to sleep but I cant. I keep tossing and turning on my bed. I did not know what happen until morning, but it was a restless night.

Saturday , 1 August 2009

I was bed ridden all day long. The only difference is that my sore throat doesnt bother me anymore, I have just a few dry cough and the fever is really exhausting me. The joints all over my body are aching, not that much of pouding aching, but it aches most of the time and because of that I was not even get out of bed at all. The only time I manage to get out of bed is when i need to urinate. I have no appetite at all to eat, I tried to chew something, and I only have the energy to chew 2 pieces of bread. All day long, I felt overwhelm exhaustion, sometime some body ache. I tried to close my eyes, but sleeps seems to be the most impossible thing to accomplish. I had insomnia. My eyes were close, but I dont really sleep. I wake on the slightest dream I had, or not even dreams, it seems like my brain are wired onto one TV that plays every single sitcom / drama and is never off.

Sunday, 2 August 2009

I was suppose to drive to KL today for a meeting I am about to have with my boss in HQ on monday morning. But all that pain and fever and exhaustion supercedes everything. I cancelled it all. I noticed that my fever have not gone down. What could possibly wrong this time? I started to panic. I covered myself with 2 layers of fleece blanket and 1 thick comforter. I squeezed inside there for hours, waiting for a single drop of sweat on my forehead. I waited long enough, I think from 10pm till around 2am, I sweat. I felt the tilt of joy the moment i feel the sweat came around my forehead, then my neck, and my back and my thigh. I am sweating all over and I felt good! Inside my head I keep telling myself, "I am stronger than the virus, you dont control me, I control you. So I want you to die through my sweat.." I sort of like chant it over and over in my head, projecting an image of the virus dissolved and die in my sweat..

After the hard work of sweating, of course my body temperature is high enough for me to sweat, I tried to cool myself down again. I wet towels and lay it on my forehead and neck to cool down.

And "the clogging mucus" that I felt on my nose slowly dissappears. I sniffled the mucus out and after that, there are no more mucus and my nose is clear.

In an attempt to cool my body temperature, water works to slow for me and I get a bit impatient, so I used ice cubes instead. Thank god it worked like a charm.

Monday 3 August 2009