LIBIDO

I am entering 21 weeks already. Yesterday I was alarmed a little bit because I have not felt the baby kicking. So I did some test on my own. I lied down on the sofa, after having nice dinner, and I waited for 2 hours. I felt the fluttering. Oh yes! Thank god the baby is kicking.

Today I am thinking of going to my gynie after 2pm to check on the health of my baby.

The thought of having a new baby takes me back to Mother. I missed Mother so much. She passed away many years back. She must have been happy to see me now.

The thought of Mother makes me want to cry sometimes. What hell she might have went through to carry us in her belly, without Dad caring about her, busy with fulfilling the older wife's needs etc. What a cruel place to be when you are pregnant with the guy's baby, and that uncaring guy is indeed my own Dad. He lives till today, he is already 85 years old.

And the thought of having delivered the baby, and then being taken away from you is beyond inhumane. Dad did that to Mother. That was so cruel and unforgiven. Mother had 4, 2 boys (Rahim and Sham) and 2 girls (me and Zai).

Rahim was taken away from Mother since after her confinement. I was taken from her since I was 6 years old. Zai was taken from her too, but she was slightly older , maybe around 12 or 13 years age. Sham tried to stay with Mak Wa (Dad's older / other wife), but he didnt like it. So he was sent back to Mother's care, but he was already finishing high school at that time.

So I was the one that had to go through all the cruelty and abuse at a very tender age of 6. Zai escaped most of it, being the youngest and the longest staying with Mother.

A lot of people say to me, it's not good for the baby's emotion if I keep thinking about sad things while I am like this. But the thoughts of those really flooded my mind. I even found myself talking to Mother in my sleeps, for a few nights and it's really scary.

I even had a vivid dream few days ago. I was talking to Mother, about my baby, and Mother said I dont have to worry coz I have a "guardian" and the baby does too. My Guardian is around 12 years old and the baby's one will be there once she arrives. I got scared, woke up, I saw the clock beside my bed says 5:13am. I toss and turn, but I couldnt sleep back. It was so real and scary.

Going Down the Polygamy Road........pt 1

THE BEGINNING OF IT ALL

I was 7. It was time for us to start schooling. My mother bought me some new cloth to sew to make my schooling attire. She sewed it herself, using some other uniforms she borrowed from her neighbour. I was happy...happy like a clam.

While sewing my uniform which takes weeks, Mother said I need to start studying, be a good person, excel in my studies so I dont end up like her. Little did I know what those words really mean, coz she said it with a genuine smile on her face. Anyway I was just a child. Adult metaphores are too complicated for my brain at that time.

Another 2 days to start schooling. I cant wait.

Then came my dad. He drove all the way from the city to my mother's kampung house which takes around 30 minutes drive. He does it all the time. I see my dad's face twice a week at most. He will spend a few nights here, then off he goes to the city again. What I only know about the city house that he goes to is, there's a fierce woman who I call "Mak Wa". My mother doesnt like her, so did I. I am more happier staying with my mother. She loves me like no one in the world will.

On that day, I heard my dad talking to my mom about my schooling. He said that I can no longer stay at my mother's, I have to stay at the city house with Mak Wa. He already registered the school for me. My mother cried and asked him to consider, but my father shut her off.

He packed my stuff, some clothes and shoes, and he even took the half ready uniform that my mother sewed for me and said that Mak Wa can finish it off faster than her. As we drove off, I was crying quietly in the car, not knowing what will wait for me in the city house. My dad told me to wipe off my tears so Mak Wa couldnt see that I cried. So I did, scared and confused.

I keep asking myself, why they take me away? Why cant I stay with my mother? Why my dad did not take my younger sister (she is 3 years old at that time)? Why me??

But no one could answer me, coz I screamed & cried loudly inside my head. The only thing that shows was tears running down my cheek, and I kept wiping them away...

First day of school.

I was dressed in a dark blue pinaphore, with new shoes and school bag. Mak Wa got a tricycle (beca) and off we go to my school. I had no idea where it was. It's quite a distance coz the beca took forever to get there. We didnt speak to each other along the way. Mak Wa didnt like me much, I guess that's why we didnt speak.

We arrived at the school compound. I stepped off from the tricycle, Mak Wa handed me my bag and off I went. I went to the pool of new students in front of me, stood there, not knowing what to do. When I turned around to find Mak Wa, she is already gone. So is the tricycle.

I stood there until someone called out my name. Then I followed her. The nice lady who shouted my name asked where my parents were, I just shook my head.

Loud bell rang. It was break time. I saw some parents buy some bowls of noodles for their children. For those whose parents have gone back, they queued and handed over the "noodle man" some coins and the "noodle man" happily handed them the bowls. My stomach was rumbling. I need to get the noodles too. I searched in my bag for any coins, but there's none.

So I sat there by the bench looking at other kids slurrping away. The nice lady who shouted my name earlier came behind me and asked whether I do pack any drinks with me, I shook my head again. She held out her hand to me, I grabbed her hand and she brought me to the noodle man and paid for me. I was so happy. I said thank you. She said I should tell whoever that is caring for me to give some money and pack water for me everyday for school.

Little did i know that the "nice lady" will soon be my class teacher and she will be watching and caring for me for the rest of my primary school years. Her name is Puan Rashidah.

For many months after that very bitter first day of school, I went to school with a packed leftover food, and plain water. No money was given to me. The leftovers sometimes get smelly and fouled by recess time, at least I had water left for me to drink.

The tricycle which send me and took me from school became a burden to Mak Wa, so she did managed to talk to my dad to buy me a bicycle. So I will stop bothering her anymore with logistic issue. At the age of 8, I was summoned to cycle to school.

At the city house, I get to see mother twice a week. She will take a bus and drop by to see me and my brother. I didnt even know that Rahim was my blood brother until I came to the city house and mother told me about it. Mother said Rahim was sent to the city house right after her confinement. At that time, she already had me in her belly. That explains Rahim and myself is only 1 year apart. No wonder I never see his face before. But Rahim doesnt have that much of love for mother, but I do. Everytime mother sees me, she asked me about school, what I studied. She asked me about how I am doing. I felt relief whenever she came. I always poured my heart out to her. Unlike Mak Wa who never took any interest in my schooling or me.

The most dreading part was to see her going away on the bus because sometimes she came by and refused to sleep over. She came in the morning, then go back to her house in the late afternoon. I know she resented Mak Wa. I also noticed that Mak Wa will dissappear everytime mother came over to visit us. Mak Wa will go to neighbour's house and spend hours until mother goes home, then Mak Wa will finally step into the house. It was wierd for me. But I never asked.

THE CITY HOUSE

The city house which accomodate Mak Wa, myself, Rahim , Sham & Abang Din seems to be very small. As time passed by, we get used to it. Sham is also my blood brother, so as my mother said. He does love mother as I do, but he doesnt like to show it. Mother understands why. Sham is actually my eldest brother, came to stay with Mak Wa when he is already going to Secondary School. So Sham used to grow up and being taken care by mother. I can see the longing of love whenever mother kisses him, but as a grown boy, he chose to keep it to himself.

Abang Din is alot older than us. In fact he already left school and entering his adulthood. He still stayed with Mak Wa. For whatever reason, I dont know. Later I found out from my dad that Abang Din is actually my cousin brother, who is taken from his parents by Mak Wa and Dad to be theirs.

I am the only girl in the house.

Mak Wa loves to watch TV, so she puts her bed in the living room, right in front of the TV. There's only 1 room in the city house. That's where Mak Wa puts all our clothes and things. There's a bed inside the room but that bed was to be used by guests only. I slept on the thin mattress in the living hall.

Normally, I was asked to sleep right next to Mak Wa's bed, on the thin mattress on the floor of course, so it's easy for me to rub her foot while she is watching TV.

The other reason she puts me right beside her bed is easy access for morning wake up. She would use rattan (rotan) and hit me to wake me up, or sometimes she pretended like she's rushing out of bed and accidentally stepped on my feet or hand or sometimes my hair, so when I feel the pain, I would wake up. Quite a mean way to wake people up but yes, she was mean to me. And me only.

There's an attic in the city house. Sham studies and sleeps there. So is Rahim. The boys get to do their own things in the house, unlike me.

There's somewhat "fixed scheduling" in the city house fixed by Mak Wa. Monday to Friday, I will have to wake up at 5:30am, clean up the house, if there's enough time, I will have to wash 2-3 basins of clothes by my bare hands, hang them on the cloth liners before I go to school.

When I come back from school in the afternoon, I had to cook rice, (Mak Wa normally will cook the dishes only), clean and scrub the bathroom, and then off I go to religous school which starts at 2.30pm every monday to friday and finishes as 4:30pm. For the first few years, I go back home to the city house right after the religous school, and there's always tonnes of house chores waiting for me.

The hot water thermos has to be full all the time. Mak Wa will shake it everytime she wants to make coffee or tea. If it's empty, she will shout at me and the whole neighbourhood will hear her cursing and saying mean things to me like " kalau kau kawin, dah beranak dah... anu kau dah berdarah.... bende macam ni pun kau tak pandai buat..." (translated: If you are married, you would have got children already, your vagina have already bled (menstrual, of course), but simple stuff like this you cant do... " At first, I would just cry. I got hit by rattan the first time I cried. So I did not anymore.

She would look into the room, if the bed sheet isnt tight, she would scream and sometime I got some hitting on my back too. The most painful hitting was when she cursed about my mom " Mak ko tu bodoh, semua bende tak pandai... anak-anak dia aku jaga...beranak banyak-banyak, bapak ko suruh jaga..aku tak ingin nak jaga.." (translated : Your mom is stupid, she doesnt know anything. Her children, I take care. Bear a lot of children, your dad asked me to take care, I dont want to take care of you"

If she said all those things in a whisper, it wont hurt that much, but the whole neighbourhood would hear her. And I felt so embarassed.

Saturday & Sunday is relax day for me. Dad will come home from work. Dad work in an estate in Segamat and will come back home during weekends only. Mak Wa will cook and clean for him, his clothes etc, and after all, these two days are heaven for me because Mak Wa will not curse and shout. At first I felt happy, but as I grow older, I know why she refused me cooking, cleaning, when my dad is around in the house.

Mother would normally come and visit us during the weekdays, and sometimes during the weekend too. If mother comes during the weekend, Mak Wa will dissappear from the house, as usual, and mother will not feel comfortable in the house. Mother would normally chat with dad, and then say good bye to us and off she goes on the bus again. The visit will be very brief, and we didnt get to talk to mother like always. I prefer when she comes during the weekdays, so she would stay and talk to me for hours.

There are reasons why these things happens. As time passes by, I soon learned that Mak Wa is my step mother, and she is married to my Dad first before she married Mother. Mother is younger compared to her. My Dad married mother because Mak Wa refused to bear anymore children after the pain she went through when she gave birth to Kamal, her only child, who is close to 25 years older than us.

Bits and pieces starts forming a pattern as I grow older. At 1o years old, I realized that Mak Wa never loved me. All the beatings and the cursing never stopped, no matter what I did.

I even had a few accidents in the kitchen, and it was blamed on me. I was frying "Cekodok Pisang" (translated: banana puff), the oil in the pan was very hot, and the puff get stuck onto the frying pot. As I tried to turn the puff over, the round pot toppled over and it burned my hand and few fingers. Lucky enough it didnt hit my face or my body. I screamed of pain, Mak Wa rushed into the kitchen and saw the puff all thrown on the floor, she grabbed the rattan and hit me along my back. I ran into the attic and cried sliently in a corner.

Rahim and I were almost same age, I get to play with him sometimes, but I know he is Mak Wa's favourite. One time we were arguing over something, I cant remember what, he pushed me into the metal window frame, and the frame scratched my flesh, right beside my right eye. I was bleeding. Mak Wa heard the screaming, and quickly went over. I told her Rahim pushed me and I bled, Mak Wa took the rattan and swing. I closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt flesh hurting on my back. I got hit! Mak Wa didnt even hit Rahim. Not a single bit!!

Those 2 clear incidents proves to me that Mak Wa never loved me.

So the next question I asked myself : If Mak Wa dont love me, why Dad asked me to stay with her? Why I cant stay with Mother?? WHY???

I have so much questions, but no one could hear me. No one have the answer for me.

AT SCHOOL, AGE 10

I was known in school as a very timid and quiet girl. I dont have that many friends. I felt jealous sometimes that my friends parents send them to school, kiss them, hug them, hand them monies and packed lunch before the morning session starts. The children looked very happy. You can see they have all the support and the love they need from parents.

I dont have all that. I was never happy as a child. I came to school by my own bike, I never get fresh packed lunch, always the leftovers which didnt make it through to recess time, and plain water. Never any money to buy noodles from the noodle man, never any money to buy Asam Boy juice like my other classmates after school. I was thin and pale.

Despite all that quietness in school, I develop some strong will. The will to survive and change my future. The inspiration comes from none other than my class teacher, Puan Rashidah who salvaged me on the first day I step into school.

She cared about me, at first, from a distance. I didnt realize that she has been observing me from far. She asked me to be Head of the Class, I get to be with her often. She also noticed that I have ability to absorb things, and have interest in studies. She was teaching the most difficult subject: Science.

Until one day, i was in the Teacher's room, I overheard another teacher saying to her: Wow.. I am sure Lia(i will not used my full name here) will be very happy...what a lucky kid she is. So when you going to adopt her?

They didnt notice me as I was so quiet like a cat.

It got me thinking, are they talking about me? Is this really happening?

The thought of having to be adopted by the "nice lady" haunts me for days. I fantasize about being away from this shit hole, and get to stay with people who cares about me and will love me like mother does. At least I get my own room, unlike now. At least I dont have to wake up every morning by some pain either being stepped over or rattan beat. I am sure someone out there will save me one day.

I guess my praying to be saved all these years is heard by God. Instead, I was saved by my none other than Mother.

The rumors of Puan Rashidah wanted to adopt me spread to the whole school. Some kids, standard 6 kids (older than me, I was standard 5 at that time) congratulated me for the good news. Some said I was just a pity case. But others sees that I deserved it.

Whatever they think, I didnt care less. I was top 5 of my class and Puan Rashidah signed my report card on behalf on my parents. That sure would make Mother or "nice lady" proud.

One fine day, I was visited by Mother in school. The first and the last visit ever in years. I guess she must have heard the fact that "nice lady" wants to adopt me. Nice Lady and Mother met eye to eye that day. I saw Mother talking to Nice Lady, bit by bit, tears running down her cheek.. I couldnt hear what they were talking about.

Once they have finished talking, Nice Lady asked me whether I want to go back with mother and take the rest of the school day off. I quickly nod, pack my bag and leave with Mother.

Mother took me to her house (the Kampung house). She was talking to me like normal in the bus, and reassure me that she will take care of me and my sister.

I was happy, at least for a few days. I get to play outside the house, playing with my little sister, and some neighbours that I have not seen for many years. Some of them refused to jump into the river with me because they have grown older. But I was like a child, unleashed. I played by the river until late afternoon. Mother called us to take bath and ready for Quran recital after dawn. I was back being a child again, with little care in the world. After all, Mother loves me. That's more important now. I do not have to live in fear ever again. But it was shortlived.

The next day, My Dad came to the house. He was furious. I know Mother would be furious too if she sees him like that. Mother was doing some gardening in our big lawn in front of the house, and Dad went over to her. At first I heard Dad shouting. Later I heard Mother's shouting.

I peeked through the window and tried to hear what the yelling was all about. I know it was about me, but couldnt get any clear word of it. Then I saw Mother holding out a Big Knife, pointing at Dad and shouted. The shouting scared Dad away and he drove off.

For months I have not seen Dad after that incident. Mother sent me to school near our house. I excelled in school, even got 4As for my Penilaian Darjah 5 at that time. The teacher in school asked me to fill up some forms for Boarding School.

Mother was the happiest, and I was happy for a while, with Mother, little Zai in our Kampung house.

MRSM years

I was enrolled in MRSM and it send everybody a shock. Dad was so proud, he spread the news to the whole world. The city house neighbours were asking me, how and when did I study.. most of the time I was in the kitchen, either cleaning or cooking. They never saw me studying.

The Kampung house neigbours congratulated me. Most of my close friends during city house era congratulated me too. I was very happy. My Dad also claimed his portion of proudness by stating clearly to every one in our city neighbourhood that Mak Wa was the one responsible for me excelling in my studies. But looking at their faces, I know they dont believe it. I dont, of course.

In fact at a very young age, I realized that for me to get away from the constant & unnecessary beatings and cramp house, away from Mak Wa and my crazy Dad is Boarding School. I need to study hard to get there, and I did. Mother was the one who is encouraging me to study. She didnt want me to end up like her. She was right. My Dad did not do anything for me.

During MRSM years, I was more mature compared to children of my age. I began developing strong curiousity over things, which reflected over my studies. In that area, I dont have much problems. It's the personal life area that I have some hiccups. I need answers. Answers to my questions that I have been asking, and no one would answer me :

I had a Mother, but why my Dad asked me to stay with my Mak Wa (step mother)?

I had the answer when I came back during one semester break. I was 16 at that time.

I was asked by Dad to stay over at Mak Wa's house for a few days before I go off to Mother's house. I did.

That Maghrib's praying, we all prayed together. It was sorrow all over the house after the news of my brother Sham, who have joined the Marine and he was confirmed & reported lost in duty in Sabah. His wife was bearing a child at 8 months at that time. Everyone was in mourning over his so called "death".

It was a vulnerable time for my Dad. So I seized it. I asked him straight questions right after the Doa we had. I asked " Abah, kenapa kitaorang ni semua Mak Wa yang jaga, kenapa Mak tak jaga?" (Translated: Dad, why does stepmother take care of us all, why not Mother)

I didnt expect to get straight answer, but Dad did answer it.

"Mak ko kawin dengan abah, Mak Wa ko yang pinangkan... jadi, ada buat perjanjian la... untuk balas budi Mak Wa sebab pinangkan abah dengan Mak Ko, anak-anak abah semua Mak Wa la jaga...sebab tu la Mak Wa yang jaga.."

Translated : Your Mother married me, after the engagement set by your stepmother. In oder t say thanks, we made a deal, all my children, your stepmother will take care").

I memorize the exact word, and also the PROUD expression on my Dad's face at that time.

He even said that Mak Wa was never mean to us, we need to thank her for the education, for the care etc. He even said Mother was not really a mother, Mother doesnt know how to take good care of us, educate us.

Those statement was LIES, LIES, LIES. I was speechless and taken aback by my own Dad's statement attacking Mother like that. Why would he condemn Mother like that? I dont understand why.

He was so proud that he married TWO WIVES, he was so proud that his 2 wives looks like they get along with each other. But the fact is, they never were. Everytime I get some beating from Mak Wa, it was merely because she was offended by her or angry at Mother. Instead of going to her, Mak Wa realeased it on me. How can Dad not notice all these?

I was thankful for his honesty but after that I resented him for the rest of my life. In fact until today, I can never forgive him for what he did to Mother.

After that honest answer, alot of things came into me. I started asking Mother openly about how her feelings towards Dad's decision about us. Mother was reluctant to say. She only gave me hints. Hints that makes me puzzled. The hints stayed with me through the years. I became very good at remembering things, just because I do not have answers to it yet.

At 17, I had good grades in SPM and offered by MARA to do A-Levels and study in England. I got a place in University of Manchester doing Chemical Engineering. We were called for briefing in Mara's HQ in Jalan Raja Laut KL. I went there with some friends.

Part of the package of going off to England, MARA gave us some money before hand - it was RM1500.00 for buying clothes and baggage. During the briefing with MARA, we were told to buy winter clothing as it is already entering winter in England the time we reach there. I had no idea where to get the clothing, so I decided to do some shopping with some other close friends of mine at that time. We went around in Pertama Complex in KL, right after the briefing and we managed to get suitcases and very thick sweater which costs almost half of the money given by MARA to us.

After that, I went back home to Johor, to the city house where everybody was waiting for the good news from me. Mother was there too. I was very happy to see Mother. She was so proud of me.

Dad saw the big suitcase I just bought and the shopping bag with winter sweater in it. He asked me where I got the money from, I casually said it was Mara who gave us the money. His eyes were wide open when I mentioned the amount Mara gave to me. I told him what the briefing was all about, what they want us to purchase using the money. I was hoping for some kind of understanding. But instead I got a shouting.

Dad wanted the money. He told mother to get the money from me. He said I dont need all those. Instead of buying those, the money can be used for others to eat and pay bills. So there they were, Mak Wa, Dad and Mother arguing about Mara's money. Mak Wa was siding with Dad, Mother stood up for me. Mother said the money is for my preparation, which Dad could never afford to provide me with, so she took me home to Kampung house that evening.

For the next few days, Mother took me shopping for other small things that I need, based on the list Mara gave me.

Mother mentioned to me about Dad after the Money issue was Dad is becoming like Mak Wa, who is very materialistic. Mother said she never liked their attitude, but she asked me to respect Dad still because he is my Dad. I didnt have the heart to tell Mother but I have lost respect with Dad way before this Money issue. But I just kept quiet. Respect is deserved, not to be forced upon. Dad doesnt deserve our respects, and I have lost it many years ago, and I never got it back.

I was so anxious about flying to England. Mother couldnt wait either. Mother was in tears a few time when I saw her, she said it was tears of proud and joy. She said I will make things better, I will make her proud as a person and as a citizen. She kept telling me not to forget where we came from, who have helped us. She asked me to thank Puan Rashidah for her support, and I did went to my primary school and met her. It was all emotional. There's no way I will forget these people who have inspired me and held their hand out to me when I seek for help.

Mother asked me to take good care of myself and concentrate on my studies.

At the airport, Mak Wa was very quiet. She didnt even want to see me that day. I was busy with briefing by Mara at the airport. Suddenly Dad came to me. He asked me to talk to Mak Wa. He said she was so sad, so she sat outside the building, not wanting to be with everybody else. I quickly rushed to her, coz I have only 10 minutes before they start calling my name to enter the Departure Hall.

I went over, I took her hand and said I am going. She told me " if we cannot meet after this, please recite Surah Yasin for me from far". That's the only thing she said. Little did I know that she is going to die when I was in England studying.

Years later i realized that she cried that day because she felt guilty of not nurturing me and love me as what was entrusted to her by Dad. She regretted hitting me for no reason at all. But as I said, it's all too late for forgiveness. I found out about this from a relative of mine long after Mak Wa died. What was done was all beyond repair. The funny part was I never resented Mak Wa for what she did. I resented Dad for letting this happen.

If Mak Wa was the one who engaged Mother and him during those young years, why sacrifice us, children for his ego? Why separate us from Mother? It's inhumane. Even animals feels love for their babies, not to mention us human. Mother was suffering, but Dad kept ignoring, scolding and cursing.

Mother sometimes doesnt have money to pay electric and water bills because Dad's income is small too. So Mother found a way to generate income. She planted all sorts of vegetables around lawn area and sell it in the market. Dad verbally will attack Mother every chance he had, but Mother was so cool and determined about it.

When I came back from MRSM for term holidays, I would go with Mother, pluck Chillies, pack them in the sack, pack Lemon Grass and whatever vegetables that Mother can sell in the market.

Dad had a car, but he refused to help out. He said he is a Haji and he felt embarassed by Mother, selling vegetables in the Night Market. So we took the bus instead, with a few sacks.

Dad once whispered to me when he came over to our selling spot in the night market " pegi kemas barang ko, kita balik! ko tak malu ke? Ko belajar MRSM tapi ko jual sayur kat sini. Anak-anak aku tak boleh buat kerja macam ni.." (Translated : pack your stuff and go home. Dont you feel embarassed doing this? you study in MRSM and yet you are selling vegetables in market like this? My sons or daughters cannot do this" Most of the time I dare not argue. I could see Mother's grim face, but she just kept quiet.

Dad was never supportive of Mother. Never! He was abusive. He was a control freak. The more I saw what he did to Mother, the more I hated him.

GAMBANG RESORT CITY

The recent school holiday, we had a blast at Gambang Water World. Not bad establishment. Looks really inviting from the lobby. The park is huge, but there are a few more renovation still going on. They will be completed by end of 2010. That's

good news for those who love to slide and get wet!!!

The entrance fee is RM19.90 each adult and RM12.90 for children above 90cm height. Rental of tube is around RM5 to 10.00 depending on the size. What impress me most is the "CASHLESS PARK" theme.

What it means is that you top up some amount of money, eg RM 50.00 and they key in the amount onto your wrist band's barcode. So renting of Gazebos, Tubes even purchase of food is relatively easy and fast. All they do is they scan your wristband and deduct the amount from the barcode. Top ups can be done in the top-up counter in the park itself. It's quite convenient. Except when we were there, it was full of people. It was school holiday and end of the year holiday for most people.

Therefore, getting around the park and purchase of food might take a while with the long queue and all.

Above all, my son enjoyed it the most. We will definitely go back there after the monsoon season ends.

POLIGAMY

Aku nak cerita sikit pasal poligami.

Lelaki kalau dengar topic ni, semuanya berminat. Semuanya menyokong Poligamy ni. Tak pernah aku dengar tak menyokong. Semua cakap - ada tempat 3 lagi kosong, boleh la..apa salahnya... semua anggap macam best je poligamy ni.

Pendapat aku tak penting pasal issue ni. Sebab sebagai seorang perempuan, seorang isteri dan seorang ibu, banyak yang aku pelajari dari kawan-kawan malang yang pernah mengalami poligami dan juga

pengalaman dari orang terdekat aku sendiri mengenai perit getir POLIGAMI.

Aku selalu of course dari perempuan sendiri. Lelaki takkan berani berbicara "heart to heart" mengenai issue2 macam ni sebab ego mereka. Ada yang memang ternyata tak bahagia selepas kawin lain, muka macam taik, bercerai berai, naik turun mahkamah... tapi bila ditanya, apa cerita, semuanya senyap. Malah ada yang masih lagi boleh senyum lagi,

pura-pura saja, tapi kita tahu senyuman tu bukan datang dari hati. Takkan nak buka pekung di dada. Mesti malu kan...

Ramai wanita / kaum ibu yang selalu share perasaan diaorang, jadi pengalaman kawan2 dan saudara terdekat adalah pokok pangkal pada apa aku nak cerita ni.

Seorang daripada sepupu aku, aku anggap macam kakak sendiri, sekarang menderita, seorang diri. Umur dia dah nak masuk 50 tahun. Dulu masa muda, badan ada juga isi, tapi sekarang nampak kurus. Aku baru-baru ni jenguk dia di rumah dia di Kajang. Rumah pun tak terbela, lalang naik keliling rumah, rumah dah retak sana sini. Aku nampak ada 3 budak kecil tengah tergolek baring depan TV. Aku tak pernah nampak budak-budak tu. Aku ingatkan kakak aku ni mengasuh anak orang lain, kot-kot nak cari income lebih.

Masa aku berborak-borak dengan kakak aku, terkeluarlah dari mulut kakak aku yang budak-budak yang tengah syok tidur depan TV tu adalah anak-anak tiri dia. Anak kepada madu kakak aku. Madu yang jauh lebih muda. Suami dia yang main kayu tiga tu dulu arkitek, kerja di UKM. Sekarang dah berhenti kerja. Tak de pampasan apa2. Aku suspect dia kena terminate, sebab kalau berhenti secara baik, mesti ada pampasan, tak banyak pun sikit sebab suami dia ni kerja di UKM puluhan tahun.

Kakak aku tak pernah bekerja seumur hidup dia. Dia bergantung 100% pada suami tercinta yang akhirnya membelakang kan dia. Sekarang kakak aku buat kuih, jual air kat depan rumah dia untuk

sara diri dia dan anak dia yang bongsu, tingkatan 3. Tengah-tengah bercerita, tiba2 air mata mula mengalir kat pipi dia. Aku terus peluk dia untuk tenangkan hati dia. Aku tahu hati dia hancur sebab poligami dan di perbodoh-bodohkan oleh suami sendiri.

Dari insiden tu, aku terkenangkan zaman masa aku baru balik dari UK, habis belajar, aku dapat kerja di Bangi. Which was around 15 years ago. Aku tumpang rumah kakak aku ni, sebab tak de sedara mara lagi dah yang boleh mintak tolong. Aku rasa ada 2 tahun aku duduk rumah dia. Jadi banyak la peristiwa2, drama2 yang berlaku dalam masa tu.

Aku perasan yang suami kakak aku ni memang miang sikit la. Jenis suka perempuan. Muka dia tak hensem mana pun, rendah je orang nye, kepala seakan-akan macam botak sebab rambut dia kurang. Tapi memang charming orangnya. Cakap halus je, lepas tu suka joke-joke, buat orang gelak. Memang charming la. Aku pun paham kenapa kakak aku terpikat pada dia.

(gambar sebelah ni, dari kiri sekali - aku, anak kakak aku no 3 (tudung hitam), kakak aku (baju orange) dan abah aku (belakang).

Anak semua 5 orang. Yang sulung 3 perempuan, yang last 2 lelaki. They all nampak happy la masa tu. Aku tak suspect apa2 pun. Aku pegi kerja, balik kerja, sampai rumah mandi, makan pas tu tidur. Walaupun kakak aku ni suri rumah sepenuh masa, ada je dia duit nak beli ikan, sayur hari-hari di kedai runcit sebab suami dia berduit masa tu. Rumah dia di Kajang tu pun renovate, besarkan bilik depan, besarkan ruang tamu. Tapi slow la progressnya sebab suami dia buat sendiri. Ada mood dia buat, tak de mood, tak de la.

Sehingga tibalah satu ketika, aku kira2 dalam 1 tahun lepas aku duduk dengan diaorang, aku balik dari kerja, bukak je pintu, aku nampak anak2 they all semua dok berkumpul kat depan, dengan suami dia. Salah sorang anak dia cakap dengan aku..... "Mak tak de... Mak dah lari....."

Ha? aku terkejut. Dah lari?? Cane boleh jadi camni? Suami dia mintak tolong aku cari kakak aku. Aku pun start kereta, pegilah mana-mana aku rasa kakak aku ni pergi. Tapi aku rasa mcm kelakar sebab kakak aku selama aku membesar dengan dia, dia ni memang tak tahu drive, tak de lesen, dia tak tahu banyak bende. Mana dia nak pergi?

2-3 hari lepas kakak aku hilang, salah seorang anak dia call aku waktu aku tengah kerja, dia kata dah jumpa kakak aku. Rupa-rupanya dia pergi ke rumah anak dia yang sulung, yang dah kawin masa tu.

Sejak dari hari tu, suami dia macam segan dengan aku. Aku ni dah dewasa sikit compare dengan anak2 dia yang baru remaja masa tu, jadi dia takut la yang kakak aku akan cerita bende bukan-bukan pasal dia pada aku, jadi dia pun start la nak berbaik dengan aku. Padahal kakak aku tak cerita apa2 pun pada aku. Kakak aku ni jenis pendam.. diam je, tak banyak cerita orangnya. Tapi aku suspect mesti ada bende tak betul sampai kakak aku larikan diri. Aku malas nak tanya.

Satu hari, suami dia ajak aku pergi bandar Kajang. Dia suruh aku teman dia nak pasang tali raket badminton. So aku tak cakap banyak, pegi je la. Dalam kereta, dia pun cuba nak mengorek rahsia dari aku pasal kakak aku. Aku buat-buat macam tak tahu apa, aku plak yang tanya dia banyak soalan. Last-last dia mengaku yang dia ni ada perempuan lain. Perempuan tu jauh lebih muda, lagi cantik dari kakak aku. Janda, tapi tak de anak. Perempuan tu ajak dia kawin, lepas tu dia call rumah kakak aku, bercakap dengan kakak aku pasal they all berdua nak kawin.OOOHHHHH!!! patut la kakak aku lari!!!!!!!

Aku tergamam masa tu. Cara dia bercerita pada aku macam very simple, dia tak de rasa bersalah apa-apa dalam hal ni.

Dia nampak aku senyap je, dia pun start komen pasal kakak aku. Dia kata kakak aku ni comot, tak pandai ambik hati dia. Suka pakai kain batik buruk, tak pandai berhias diri. Bila dia balik dari kerja, kakak aku jarang buatkan air untuk dia, nak duduk dekat2 dia nak manja-manja. Dia siap kutuk rambut kakak aku merebang, tak reti jaga image. Dia kata dia malu nak bawak kakak aku pegi majlis mana-mana sebab imej takut tercalar. Ye la ..dia kan arkitek.

Aku terasa sebab dia menghina kakak aku. Aku tanya dia, "ada cerita dengan Kak pasal bende-bende ni? dia tahu tak?"

Jawab dia "alah, awak tahu la kakak awak tu bukannya sekolah punye orang. Kalau abang cakap dengan dia pun, dia takkan paham punye"

Yang tak sedap dengar tu, dah lah awak nak kawin lain, jangan la kutuk plak yang dah tua dan beranak 5 beri dia waris untuk akhirat, yang banyak berkorban untuk dia sampai dia hidup mewah sekarang. Bila hidup dah mewah, duit dah banyak, kereta dulu proton buruk je, sekarang dah pakai Alfa Romeo, lupa daratan. Kalau kakak aku tak berkorban sama-sama senang, sama sama susah dengan dia, lain la cerita. Aku memang terasa masa tu.

Aku macam tak percaya. Salah seorang anak kakak aku yang rapat sikit dengan aku pun start bercerita pasal bapak dia dan "the new girlfriend". Anak dia yang ni memang favourite si bapak, so banyak bende la si bapak ni dok share dengan anak dia yang ni.

"abah nak kawin dengan untie tu. Dia cakap, tak kira la apa jadi. Kalau mak nak lari lagi, lari lah...abah takkan cari... "

" untie tu rumah besar, pas tu banyak kasik abah duit. Saya pun dia kasik duit.. abah cakap abah macam terhutang budi la.."

Selepas insiden tu, kakak aku jadi tak tenteram. Masak sekali seminggu pun susah, anak-anak dia balik dari sekolah semua tapau je. Rumah pun dia tak cara. Porak peranda . Anak-anak dia sampai tak sempat bangun pegi sekolah sebab kakak aku lambat bangun, ataupun dia lari lagi dari rumah sampai berminggu-minggu. Aku plak yang kene pikul tanggung jawab sebagai ibu budak-budak tu.

Sampai satu ketika, kakak aku bersemuka dengan aku, dia suruh aku cari rumah lain, duduk sendiri. Dia cakap aku cuba goda suami dia. Aku tanya dia kenapa dia cakap macam tu, dia cakap, suami dia kata aku cuba goda dia, ajak sumai dia pergi kajang betulkan raket badminton. Bodoh betul la.. memang bangang!!! Apa sebenarnya yang berlaku jauh sama sekali dengan apa dia cerita pada kakak aku. Aku cerita pada kakak aku apa sebenarnya dia cakap. Tapi kakak aku nampak serabut masa tu. Jadi dia macam endah tak endah. Aku terasa sangat masa tu, tapi aku lebih paham perasaan dia & apa yang dia alami, so aku undur diri.

Lepas 2 bulan aku menyewa sendiri, aku dengar suami dia dah kawin.

Kakak aku call aku, nak jumpa. Aku tahu dia sedia nak meluahkan perasaan. Dia cakap yang dia pernah mengandung lepas anak dia yang last, tapi suami dia suruh gugurkan.

Alasan : suami dia tak nak anak kecik lagi dah.

Kakak aku cerita yang isteri muda dia mengandung. Berlinang air mata kakak aku bila bercerita. Aku pun naik sebak. Dia mengaku di perbodoh-bodohkan oleh suami sendiri. Dia cakap nak mintak cerai.

Dia nak aku duduk semula dengan dia, tapi aku tak nak. Aku plak nanti naik serabut, dan kalau boleh aku tak nak masuk campur dalam hal rumah tangga orang. Lagipun aku kawin pun tak lagi masa tu. Isshhh... takut!!

Kakak aku tekad nak jaga diri dia sendiri, jaga anak-anak dia.Lepas 2-3 tahun, aku dengar kakak aku berpindah sana-sini. Akhirnya pindah semula ke kajang. Suami dia berhutang dengan bisnes partner dia, sampai kene gadai rumah dia sebijik kat Bandar Tasik Selatan. Kereta Alpha Romeo tak berjalan pun, sebab spare part tak de duit nak beli. Ada tersadai depan rumah dia kat Kajang. Rumah di Kajang tu je selamat dari tergadai sebab suami dia namakan rumah tu under kakak aku. Nasib baik. Kalau tidak, duduk mana agaknya kakak aku.

Sekarang suami dia tak kerja. Isteri muda dia kerja Nurse. Kat hospital mana, aku tak tahu. Tak de duit nak hantar anak-anak kecik dia gi taska, dia suruh kakak aku jaga. Jadi kakak aku ni macam orang bodoh, jaga anak tiri. Tu yang kakak aku sedih. Masa dia mengandung, suami suruh gugur sebab tak nak anak kecik, tapi bila kawin dengan bini muda, ada 3 anak kecik. memang kene bohong cukup2 la kakak aku ni. Kesian. Allah je yang tahu. Mintak cerai, suami dia tak nak. Jadi macam kain buruk je la kakak aku ni sampai ke akhir hayat dia. Nasib baik anak-anak kakak aku semua sayangkan mak... semuanya alhamdulillah...sejahtera la. Jadi boleh lah kakak aku menumpang anak-anak dia.

Balik raya hari tu, suami dia bawak kakak aku balik, dengan anak-anak dia....sekali dengan bini muda. Puuhhhh!!!! Jangan main-main. Tak pernah dibuat orang tu.

Makan kat kampung aku, semua jenis makan berhindang , dengan safrah semua. Suami dia duduk bukan main rapat dengan bini muda dia. Sambil-sambil makan tu, dia borak-borak berdua, lepas tu suap-suap each other plak tu!!!!! Gila !!!! Aku sempat toleh tengok kakak aku masa tu sibuk ke hulu ke hilir nak melayan anak-anak dia makan... berubah air muka kakak aku nampak suami dengan bini muda dia bersuap-suap. Bapak aku yang dah tua tu, terus tak selara makan, basuh tangan. Berani betul dia buat macam tu pada kakak aku depan keluarga dia. Memang kurang ajar la...

TAK SALAH AJAR ANAK PEREMPUAN KE DAPUR

Apa nak jadi dengan budak-budak remaja perempuan sekarang ni? Umur baru 12 tahun, dah ada boyfriend. Tapi basuh pinggan pun tak pandai. Sidai baju pun tak pandai.

Anak sedara suami aku datang duduk dengan aku selama 2 minggu masa cuti sekolah baru-baru ni. Hari pertama, kedua, ketiga, aku larat lah nak melayan makan minum diaorang. 2 orang plak tu. Kalau sorang tu aku tak lah penat sangat. Kebetulan pulak aku cuti akhir tahun masa tu. Jadi banyak masa la terluang duduk di rumah. Duduk rumah memang la, tapi aku tengah termengah-mengah mengandung 4 bulan, mabuk2 nak muntah pun masih ada lagi, jadi aku senang penat. Basuh pinggan 4-5 bijik, aku dah start rasa letih.

Yang bengangnya, anak sedara aku 2 orang ni anak dara, sorang baru habis UPSR, yang sorang dah masuk tingkatan 2. Bagi aku, diaorang ni dah remaja dah la. Period pun dah datang, consider bukan budak lagi la.

Macam aku cakap tadi, pegi celik mata, bukak TV, tengok cerita Indon. Lepas tu tengok cerita melayu. Petang sambung tengok cerita Indon lagi. Selang-selang tu, kalau diaorang nampak computer aku free, dok menggodeh friendster plak. Itu je lah kerja diaorang. Aku perhati je dalam masa 4-5 hari. Aku senyap dulu.

Breakfast aku sediakan, pagi-pagi ada je lah bende aku usahakan letak atas meja makan, bukan apa..jangan plak diaorang mengadu dengan mak diaorang aku tak bagi diaorang makan. Tak syok plak. Masuk tengah hari, masak plak. Kadang-kadang tu, kalau aku tak larat, aku beli je kat luar. Tapi kalau setakat untuk aku sorang, beli hari-hari pun tak pe. Ni ramai macam ni, habis la duit aku kalau hari-hari nak beli. Dah lah suami aku buat dek je pasal duit-duit ni. lagipun aku ni tak berkira sangat, nak mintak dengan dia pun segan, sebab aku kerja, ada duit sendiri.

Yang bestnya, budak 2 orang ni, bila dah habis makan je, letak je pinggan dalam sinki. Aku senyap lagi. Apalah salahnya kalau tolong basuhkan. Aku plak saja buat-buat drama depan diaorang aku penat. Aku baring atas sofa panjang, aku diam. Aku harap-harap, petang nanti bila aku bangun, sinki aku bersih, kot-kot diaorang basuh pinggan. Tak jugak.

Sampai lah suami aku balik kerja, bukak baju, tolong aku masak untuk dinner, masa tu la suami aku perasan pinggan bertimbun dalam sinki, dia yang basuh. Tak cakap banyak.

Kain baju, satu hal lagi. Aku tolong basuh, apa lah salah kalau diaorang tolong sidaikan. Ini tidak. Dok berkempam lah baju dalam bakul tu, sehari suntuk, aku terjumpa, sidaikan la. Masa tu aku start rasa naik angin.

Masa aku masak, aku punya Astro aku pasang kat dapur, so family room aku memang sebelah dapur. Diaorang dengar aku dok ke hulu ke hilir, bukak peti ais, ambik ikan, sayur, nak masak..diaorang boleh senyap je, tak toleh pun, dok asyik sangat tengok cerita Indon TV3 tu. Tak salah kalau diaorang datang kat aku tanya apa nak tolong, potong-potong bawang ke, apa yang patut... ini tidak...buat dek je. Mana tak aku start naik angin????

Aku pelik betul. Masuk hari ke 7, mana tahan!!!!

Aku cakap dengan suami, "lain kali, anak sedara you kalau nak datang, jangan duduk sini lama-lama. Satu benda pun diaorang tak tolong I. I tak larat nak layan diaorang."

Muka suami aku dah masam satu hari, sebab aku tegur anak sedara dia. Suami aku boleh jawab "alah...diaorang budak-budak lagi la... lagipun, budak zaman sekarang ni, mana ada yang nak sangat buat kerja dapur ni... anak sedara you tu dulu pun sama jugak.."

Jawapan dia tu buat darah aku lagi naik. Aku pun jawap la... "anak sedara i at least ada jugak tolong sapu sampah, lipat baju, sidai baju. Cuma masak je dia malas, ada jugak bende lain dia tolong!!!"

Aku tahu kalau terus bertekak lagi, memang semua nak menang, so aku diam. Diam tapi hati memang panas. Aku menyampah tengok muka diaorang masa tu.

Mana boleh tegur sedara mara adik beradik dia. Tapi kali ni aku tak peduli. Aku sound direct je.

Lepas 6 hari, kakak ipar aku (mak pada salah sorang anak sedara aku ni ) datang dari Kelantan, nak ambik la anak dia ni balik. AKu punye la lega masa tu.

Kelakar tak kelakar, masa mak dia datang, pandai plak anak dara dia tu basuh pinggan. Aku naik pelik dibuatnye... oohhh rupanya selama ni dia saja tak nak ke dapur. Bila mak dia datang, nampak lah yang dia ni rajin duduk rumah aku. Cerdik..... memang cerdik........ cerdik menipu...

Masa kakak ipar aku datang tu, dia ada lah bercerita pasal adik dia sorang ni, perempuan, sebaya dengan aku, anak dah nak masuk 3, dah kawin, duduk serumah dengan mak mentua aku kat Kelantan. Diaorang dok cerita yang kakak ipar aku ni pemalas, langsung tak nak tolong mak mentua aku kat dapur, bila ada masa je balik rumah mentua dia. Sampai masa mak mentua aku sakit, kakak ipar aku yang pemalas ni tinggalkan mak dia, pegi balik rumah mentua dia. Anak-anak dia yang 2 orang tu (sorang 1 1/2 thn, yang sorang lagi 3 tahun) mak aku yang mandikan, basuh baju diaorang. Ibarat kata kakak aku, mak mentua aku di jadikan macam "HAMBA" oleh anak perempuan dia sendiri. Kecoh la dok bercerita.

Dalam kecoh-kecoh dia bercerita, aku sound direct je, "Saya masa kecik-kecik, umur 9 tahun mak saya dah ajar saya masuk ke dapur, masak nasi, jerang air".

Pas tu dia mengaku "hak ah... akak dulu pun, memang mak tak pernah suruh ke dapur, bila akak dah kawin, baru akak berlajar masak".

Pas tu aku tambah lagi.. " Bila kecik-kecik dah ajar ke dapur, jadi tak de issue la. Mak saya umur 50 tahun, dia dah relax, tak de dapur lagi dah. Saya dengan adik saya yang masak. Sedap tak sedap, lain cerita... tapi memang kita orang dididik macam tu... jadi tak kekok ke dapur".

Dia jawap balik.." tapi anak sekarang ni, susah sikit, nak belajar lagi..balik sekolah dah pukul berapa...kesian... adik-beradik akak memang tak ke dapur sangat, mak tak ajar macam tu"

Aku pun tambah lagi ..." prinsip arwah mak saya, anak perempuan, belajar tinggi macam mana pun , memang akan ke dapur jugak. Kalau dia belajar pandai, alhamdulillah... macam bonus la.... Tapi kalau tak pandai, sekurang-kurang nya kat dapur dia pandai....."

Lepas tu kakak ipar aku terus senyap. Aku bagi habis-habisan...Tapi aku tahu dia akui apa yang aku cakap tu memang betul. Sebab dia sendiri tak berapa pandai, sekolah tak habis, pas tu kawin. Jadi dia faham bila aku cakap macam tu.

Apa yang aku perasan, orang Kelantan memang tak galakkan sangat anak perempuan dia ke dapur. Kalau bab-bab meralam, pakai baju cantik, jaga muka, jaga kulit, pakai tudung lawa tu, nombor satu. Sebab tu awek kelantan cantik-cantik..comel-comel.

Tapi beware gentlemen...... bila awak dah kawin dengan dia, rumah awak bersarang....... sebab diaorang tak pandai berkemas rumah, tak pandai menghias rumah.... masak memang out!!!! Aku tengok anak-anak sedara aku yang umur 1 sampai 3 tahun comot gila. Mak dia sibuk tidur. Anak baru setahun setengah, dah mengandung lagi. Mak mabuk, apa lagi, tidor la... anak dia membesar dengan sendiri je.... tidor sendiri, makan nenek sediakan.... nasib baik nenek ada.....

Bagi aku, kecantikan tu hanya secara sementara saja. Lelaki bila tengok perempuan cantik, memang dia hendak. Tapi bila lepas kawin, kecantikan tu semua selalu lelaki tak pandang sangat dah....

Masa belum ada anak, memang la cantik, slim menyelim.... tapi once kita perempuan dah start pregnant, masuk bulan ke 5 pregnant, pinggang dah tak de bentuk lagi dah....masa tu la kita ingat sapa diri kita, secara dalaman..bukan secara luaran lagi. Kecantikan tu memang sementara sahaja

Kebanyakan kawan-kawan aku, bila dah start bersalin, ada anak.... badan masing2 memang tak tentu shapenya...masuk gym la, pegi spa la... pun tak berapa jadi jugak. kadang-kadang ada yang terus tak jaga kulit muka...... jadi apa yang kekal nye??

Yang tinggal itu adalah :

Cara kita melayan suami, masakkan utk dia, kemaskan rumah dia, jaga kebersihan rumah tangga dia, cara melayan adik beradik dia bila datang ke rumah, jaga budi bahasa dengan ibu bapa dia....itu lagi penting......

Jadi, untuk sesapa yang ada anak perempuan tu, fikir-fikir kan la.... kalau anak kita minat belajar, sokong minat dia tu, tapi ingat-ingatkan dia jugak bende-bende basic rumah tangga.

Lepas makan, basuh pinggan, lap meja, sapu nasi yg jatuh atas lantai. Tak de pun ambik masa berjam-jam nak buat tu semua, 10 minit paling lama pun.

Weekend, ajar dia basuh baju, sidai baju. Bila kita masak untuk family, ajak dia tengok cara kita tumis-tumis bawang ke. Saya dulu arwah mak ajar tumis-tumis je dulu. Dia tumbuk dah rencah tu, pas tu saya yang tumiskan. Lama-lama tu pandai la masak... senang je... proses nye berulang-ulang..tapi kene di ajar.

Bila kita lipat baju, ajak dia duduk sekali lipat baju. Budak-budak akan ikut kalau kita ajar.

Buat homework, buat la...tapi bende-bende simple macam ni bukannya ambik masa yang lama. Ini semua adalah untuk kesenangan kita sebagai ibu bapa bila kita dah tua nanti.

NEW YEAR'S RESOULTION???

It's daunting to think back when I was younger..I am now 36 about to turn 37 this febuary..that those years when I was younger and not married, I always come up with a new year's resoultion once the clock stroke midnight. Be it at home or in those unforgettable street party venues together with my friends. There's always something to resolute.

But as years passing by, I dont really obsess about making any resolutions anymore.Small things like getting and staying at new job, get good bonuses and great boyfriend doesnt really apply to me as years passed by. It's funny how life gets much more simpler as you get older. Now me and hubby has our own house in Kuantan, also just purchased one unit of condo in Metropolitan Square in Damansara Perdana which cost us quite a bum, but we managed somehow. Our priorities are now different and much more bigger.

This is the point when I remembered my so called sister in law who was already married to my brother and have an 8 year old daughter at the time when I asked her a very simple question - "Agaknya lelaki macam mana yang patut saya cari ye kak.. " and coldly slammed me back by saying " Akak sekarang tak pikir dah pasal nak cari lelaki, akak sekarang pikir macam mana cara nak mendidik anak". That was it, and she walked off. I was left cold and battered by that answer, coz I was trying to make a conversation with her, but it was wrong.
But now I can understand why married woman tends to be more serious about life and family. But too serious like her, hmmm.... not me... I am happy.

Why making new years resolution? Am I not having any focus on what I want anymore? or my glass is ALMOST full?

I guess it can be both. The very thought of that makes me scared and OLD..... yuuukkkhhhh!!!!!

Does having what I wanted (family, kids, husband, nice homes) really makes me happy right now?

Wow... then my goals are that simple.. I need to re-think about this.....

MALAYSIA IS FULL OF INCOMPETENT TEACHERS TEACHING IN OUR SCHOOLS

I know what I am about to write here is going to be controversional, but it just has to be said.

I observe a lot of teachers in my life. Back when I was young,more than 25 years ago in Muar, I was schooled in Sultan Abu Bakar Primary Girl School till Penilaian Standard 5. Later then, I was enrolled in Maktab Rendah Sains Mara Bakri, Muar till Form 5 before I am off to England for my undergraduate studies. In our lives, we cant escape the fact that we are close to teachers, second to our parents. We spend almost 8 hours in school. Morning in primary school, later afternoon in Religion School, at least I did back then. We come back home close to 6pm almost everyday, have our dinner, do our homework, watch little TV then off to bed. We do spend most of our days in schools.

Those days, teachers are among the most respected individual in our society. Probably it is because they are among elite educated individual, competent enough back then to lead and educate our young ones, and we sort of give our faith in our teachers. Everything was great. Not much of disciplinary issues back then when I was schooling. Every student respect teachers, we listen to them, we admire them, and some of us were inspired by them, considering being a teacher is a choice of profession if you ask some children back then.

I remember my Standard 2 class teacher, Puan Kalsom. She looked very fierce but she was really good teacher. I was appointed by her to be the Head of the Class. Among my duty was to clean the whiteboard off the chalk everytime class finishes, line up the class member before class starts and during assemblies, and my favourite one was sending piles of exercise books to the teacher's room after their classes.

This is the time when I get to knock on the Teacher's room door, get inside and put the big pile on top of their desks. It was a respected position being the Head of the Class and I loved it. If this happens during recess times, I could see almost every class teacher inside the room, munching away their lunches and they talk about their students. One corner, the teacher is talking about the next field trip, the other 3 were talking about science subject and I can see they are burning something in a glass container.

The other corner, a few Ustazah was talking about some prayers and I can hear them reading from some books. Everytime I step in the room during recess, they are talking about enhancing their teaching and gathering ideas of what next.

The reason I remember Puan Kalsom the most is because she was the one who teaches us basic science and we were always eager when her class started. She will take us out of the class room, get us to sit under a very big Sena tree in the school compound, and start teaching us about nature, grass, why they are green, what makes them breathe etc. I was so fascinated by her. She believed learning is process of seeing and touching. We get to catch butterflies & grasshoppers among other insects that infested our green football field, touch them and release them back to the air. We aced in the subject, and we were only 8 years old!!!

She teached us science until standard 5, and later I heard that she had some disease and can no longer teach.

But I saw her once in a while in the teachers room when she paid her visit to her colleagues.

Then my adventure in Maktab Rendah Sains Mara starts. The teachers there are very well mannered, some of them quickly become friends with some of us, and almost every one of them have very open mind. This is an exceptional school and I loved every bit of it. They teach me to love knowledge, and the teachers emphasized it more, and it's really fun!

My homeroom teacher, Puan Badariah, who also taught us Additional Maths, Puan Rosnah who taught us Chemistry, are among those with greatest impact in my schooling life. These individuals are really something. They become what they are and good at it because they LOVE DOING IT, no external force make them do otherwise. We can feel it through their tenacity in teaching and educating. In short, they LOVE what they do and that makes them very good, honest and SINCERE. The results are tremendous, almost all of us passed with flying colours, some made it to England, some to other parts of the world namely US, Australia, Germany. We really made them proud, second to our parents.

But look at what happened now? year 2009 & 2010. Everything seems to be bad when it comes to our local education. Graduates flooded our unemployment charts, teachers become more like a profession than something noble, it's merely getting the salary and to some, it's just an escape route out of unemployment. To my own detriment, teachers now are more like "PAYCHECK" monster. They care less about the students, they do it because they failed at everything else. They failed at numerous interviews they went, none of private sectors willing to take them, nonetheless almost everyone of them can barely speak good english!!! Not to mention to hire them.

Malays are the biggest portion I am talking about here. I sound ruthless but yes I am.

Furthermore, I have quite a number or teachers in my life too right now, related, non-related, most being married and all.. they are no other than those individual who are struggling with "not" wanting to educate their fellow students. Some expressed regrets. Some admitted they had no other choice of profession. Filling up KPLI forms are the last resort. After all, they also said they will never get sacked if they slack, the worst, the government will transfer them to "problematic" school. Whatever that means, I sounds scary to me and my younger generations.

Some even told me, working with government, they can escape retrenchment, government will not fire staff, "if they dont like me, they will transfer me elsewhere, but the main important thing is I still get paid."

Among my own relatives who took teaching as profession, 6 close relatives of mine, to be exact, come back from school, after dinner, out of the 6, only 1 single individual I know will look through some books, reading through some articles of what to teach their student tomorrow.

Some others, I never seen them doing any revision or even reading anything for next day's teaching preparation. Until to the point I was shocked that they are Secondary School teachers. Wow! they must be damn clever to remember everything before teaching a class without revising first, or my guess is, they just dont care, they read from the books out loud, when bright students ask for details, they will shut them off and change the subject. The latter is what I suspected.

When English was introduced to primary schools, some retaliated loudly and opposed the government's move right to the grave. The subject became hot topic after dinner everytime I came back hometown for holidays. Some are quite cool about it.Name it, the ones that are cool about it are the ones that CARE about our students!

All in all, those who retaliated (very big fraction are the malays in Kelantan, escpecially) without realizing that they admitted this fact. They are "scared" and felt stupid because they cant even speak proper Bahasa Malaysia, not to mention English, for god's sake!!!!!!!! One of them started talking to me and laugh everytime he speaks english to me (me and hubby are the the only ones studied overseas, we never see english as "alien" language, we enjoyed them). It's like a 5 year old trying to speak english and all pronounciations are haywired. Damn it was funny!!!

They struggled to speak to outsiders ("Orang Luar"), (that's what they call us who are not born in Kelantan)because outsiders speak much more relaxed bahasa compare to them.

I am not worried about them, most of them have passed 40 years of age, couldnt care less about educating their own children, not to mention other students who are not theirs biologically.

I question about the younger teachers, graduates who enrolled in as teachers.

What kinds of measures the government take to tell who is "fit and unfit" for the job?

Filling up quotas are one issue, but just by taking anyone off the street without having any passion for educating the young ones are nonsense!!!.

I have a few suggestions here that the government should consider :

a) Interview them for the job.

Interview should be conducted by good teacher himself. Have a few other panels ready during the interview - each from disciplinary dept, finance, administration, subject mattered dept etc... how would I know all these, I am not a teacher.. but I am just giving suggestions.

b) Give at least 2 years probation period. The reason I suggest longer period is because their performance should be based on their teaching subjects and the results of their classes. Examination is once a year, right? So how can you judge the teacher through 6 months? If their classes couldnt barely understand what she's teaching and the teacher has no tenacity in teaching and educating, it will show in the final class result.

c) Never ever encourage female teachers to get pregnant during these probation period. The reason is obvious. She will be a passenger, not the driver if she is pregnant for 1/2 of the year during the probation period, there's no way you can asses her.

d) Have an Evaluation Programme for teachers performance from all aspects. From her colleagues, from her pierces, and also from her students.

1. Merit them on Communications, Relations with others, Effective Teaching Methods, Creativity in teaching methods etc... and of course the behavioral attributes like Attitude, Knowledge, Common Sense, Ability to speak more than 1 language....
2. Most people think that student's feedback is not important, but it is. From students you can gauge :

• Teacher's appearance (nicely dressed or untidy),
• Hygiene- some teachers can teach in dirty classes, I cant. I like it tidy and neat.
• Effective Listening - teachers using their voices appropriately- just imagine 1 class of 45 students, teacher has a very soft voice, those at the back cannot hear her, not to mention to understand her... that's not children's fault.. Teachers should know how to use their voice depending on the class size.
• Effective Understanding - teachers who will try as much as they can to get the children understand what she's teaching will use various methods and techniques, so children can grasp. This also shows how passionate one is to educating. Those who dont care, they dont have this attribute!!!!
• Creativity / Preparedness before classes - as I mentioned earlier, teachers who revise first before class are bound to answer questions on the spot, and will not defer the answer. Only students can asses these characteristics.
• Fluency in other language(especially english)- some teachers sails through teaching english class like a sunny day without any obstacles or hindrance. But most malay teachers struggle like a 5 year old trying to spell "elephant" and doesnt even get their pronounciations right. Only students can asses these. Some teachers think they are superior in the class, they get to do what they want, headmaster not watching them, they teach half in Malay, half in english.. and it's comfortable to their tounge. But I am sure students will get confused!!!!! If the subject in English, teach in english only. If bahasa, teach in bahasa only. Then it will be less confusing to our young minds.

e) Get parents involved in the evaluation process. Some parents (like me, of course) are concerned about their children's education. They would want to hear and see what their day school teachers are teaching their children. The parent teacher meeting should not be restricted to once or twice a year. It should be done monthly. And progress and actions taken about all matters -should be recorded and dealt with.

It seems too much to handle huh?? But if you get the system right, everything will fall into place.

I am only talking about Primary and Secondary schools.

Why do you think local graduates cannot make it to the corporate world nowadays?

I'd say the problem comes from the ROOT!!!!! You fix the root, you get the fruits. If the roots are not healthy and incompetent, the fruits you get will be just as ROTTEN!!!!

I am just guessing from the above suggestions. I feel these measures should be strong in Primary and Secondary Schools.

If the "INCOMPETENCE TEACHERS" problems are solved, a lot of other things will just be in place naturally.

Rather than merely blaming parents for children's slacking which is always the easiest escape nowadays, what's the point of sending your children to school if everything is blamed on us, parents? Why pay hundreds of ringgit to send our children to school?

Why battle traffic jam every morning sending our kids to school every morning, and yet teachers can just lay back and point fingers to parents for their children's downfall?

If malaysia is like US, they recognize home schooling, I dont mind doing it to my children. Unfortunately they dont.

So, do look at the source of the problems, and these are just around you. If you look closer and listen carefully, you'll agree with me.